Papers flying
Keyboards raging
Connections struggling right away
While I’m panting
Lost in thinking
News stories in disarray
Still I’m trying
Never panicking
Ensuring to fulfill my day
Soon I’m running
While I’m shouting
“Sir, I got an update here to break!”
Then comes laughing
While some giggling
“What’s wrong with you, anyway?”
Soon realizing
Just exaggerating
I’m excited for the coverage the next day
Let me be silent, let me be still
For the sake of sanity I will not spill
Leave me alone in my deepest of thoughts,
Our world will retain its peaceful wrought
I have no time to listen to your senselessness
The very words that unconsciously destroy your soul
You deride my being as if you’re a sage
Which actually is a proof of your nothingness at all
How dare you discuss without checking facts
Blabbering like a dying fish on a haystack
Contention is not the solution to your analysis
Neither can your words reach the end of a paralysis
The likes of you is condemnable
I will not site from you anything commendable
Yet, I find myself as damnable
Been given the mercy though I’m worth of it at all
Blood stained hands on a dirty old wood
Reached the heart of a stubborn, dead mold
Whose heart the once thought it can live by its own
Not knowing that the Blood can give it a soul
I wonder if this Blood can silence your tongue
But for the sake of love, must I dare ask?
If only by this Blood this heart of mine had life
Would then this Blood make you speak love?
Sometimes, I feel like a passionate person living in the wrong place in a limited time. I feel that this world is too small to me and yet I’m too tired to get out of it.
I wanted to be somebody else.
I belong to a generation that longs for more. Most of us have been well-pampered by hardworking parents who wanted us to get off from the tragedy of their hardships in their timeline. The sacrifices they made are what we have been taking for granted from the time we were born. And yet we wanted so much more…
Where to start and how to? I have no idea…
And yet, we were born with this kind of passion that is ready to burst anytime. The sad part is that we don’t know how to use it, ending up in exploding miserably. When the passion within us is used in the wrong way, it causes us to choose the wrong decisions causing dire consequences. We have been given choices, but we can’t discern which is the best for us.
Sometimes, I’d wish God would just give me a blueprint of my destiny. If only He’d lay out a map before me with easy directions like: go left, then turn right, take the six steps then go down into the hole, take a slide through the waterfalls and there you’ll find the prize. But God has given us freewill. We make our choices. We finalize our decisions.
But I believe this search of the identity of my passion is no vague issue. It’s just, God loves to give out clues and surprises. He already had a blueprint for us. We just have to ask — and trust Him in His answers.
If you expect a layout of His giant blueprint of one lifetime of your destiny, don’t expect it that way. What God will give you are puzzle pieces…and each one is priceless. It’s just up to us to receive it, but we have the right to choose choice B, C, D and so on. Maybe because we humans might not remember every details of the whole thing in time. Our life’s destiny might be too overwhelming. It has to be taken step by step.
Our passion is made within us the moment we were born. Our passion is connected to our destiny and our being. Yet, the directions that we undertake is part of a refinement of our character so as to be good stewards of this passion when released. In the end, if we discover for what our passion is for, it will bloom beautifully — not exploding tragically.
Do I know for what my passion is for? I’m on the road to discover it. I love to do a lot, and yet I don’t know where I’d fit. Where will I go next? I’d just ask. If I’ll never ask perhaps I’ll never know…and I might get lost and my passion just wasted.
Sing to me your song, o dying tree, sing to me your song
Tell me how your leaves used to catch the morning dew
As you bear your fruits in every season
And repeat the melodies of the birds who take refuge in you
Sing to me your song, o dying waters, sing to me your song
How you parched barreness with your crystal clear threads
Cleansing life from filth and grime
And with power changed the shape of the earth through time
Sing to me your song, o dying mountain, sing to me your song
Let me know how you witnessed history that made man
Heights that conquered human prowess and horizons
And hid treasures that challenged us to go beyond
Sing to me your song, o dying field, sing to me your song
Tell me how your grain grew in the sunlight and the rain
How you kept this man alive with what the earth bore
And how we became rich with the treasures you stored
For we have lost the song that only the earth can sing
We distorted your melody which was actually a sin
Unmanaged industrialization only made a deathly ring
Our civilization forgot the riches this earth can bring
Sing to us your song, o dying earth, sing to us your song
For this one last generation, sing to us your song
Two days and a snore
I can’t figure out the score
When you think you’re losing them all
With a few minutes left no more
Two days and a snore
How you betrayed when I asked for more
Don’t you see how I waited in sore
And when you came you did not cure my bore
Two days and a snore
Can’t you add yourself for me?
A few minutes you’re walking at the door
In five days and a wink I’ll be waiting for you once more
My spirit stirring in the night
I am reminded of this one soul
My body resting and my eyes shut
To a surreal world I was ready to embark
Yet I was continually bothered with this distant soul
What was she anyway to me?
She had nothing to do with anything in my life
But for the sake of silence I sat up in strife
Then the Good Father reminded me of her needs
The loss covered by her lofty deeds
There He poured out His love for this wandering soul
To bring her back to Him is His heart’s goal
I wonder why a distant me should stand in the gap
To ask for her to return to the Father’s lap
Then I wondered if anybody has been praying for the removal of her yoke
When they thought she was already complete and whole
Out of the darkness when my petition was poured
The peace of His heart in me soared
Then I knew I have released and decreed His deepest desire
And from here my spirit lay silent all through the night
I had the fear of heights.
And I did not realize this until my last vacation in Sagada just this Sunday.
After a long time, I had to chance to get out of this fast, city life for a while. Sagada was my dream place. I’ve been longing to trek nature and discover the unseen places never found in Manila. But who says it was easy? The biggest battle was not against nature but against self.
I was the slowest in the group. I lagged behind my friends whenever we trekked
Rock climbing at Sumaging Cave. It was here when I learned that I had a very weak grip. I managed to reach the top though 🙂
the mountains. I could hardly catch my breath, but that was only the start.
At the Sumaging Cave, the slower I became. What slowed me down the most was that I was actually fighting the thought of crashing into the ravine. Yes, I trembled at every step. Not because it was cold or I was tired, but because I was scared of taking a step to the next jagged rock. I starred at every foothold I was stepping on so to keep my eyes away from the unseen end point shrouded in darkness. Whenever I did, I wanted to faint, struggling against an alter ego that whispered that I can never make it.
I saw my weakness. I felt the pain. But I saw that out of this, I learned much.
I was reminded that I cannot do all things without Christ who strengthens me.
Having fun with friends at the mountain top…Sagada, here we are!! 😀
I saw the goodness in people. My friends encouraged me as I starred at every step. Instead of being sullen at my cause of delay, one of them said how she appreciated us city people for not complaining along the way. I did not realize how patient I was, that all I was looking forward was to get to the end point of the hike.
But most of all, I saw the beauty of God’s creation. I felt even more alive as I moved on. If I had stopped and left behind, I never had seen the unseen inner beauty of the caves, the culture of the people in life
Hanging coffins at Sagada. Through these, I learned how the natives valued their loved-ones as well as the afterlife.
and death, and the loveliness of the hills and mountains.
God left me awestruck with who He is. Opening my eyes, I realized how big He is while how little I am. Here’s this little me googling in His big, big world of mountains and cave. I would never have experienced His amazing creation if I ended up looking at postcards. The passion that had brought me out of my box for a while rewarded me with a whole range of experience to my senses and to my knowledge of Him. The industrialization that man tries to expand are nothing compared to God’s great works. The roads, bridges, and houses I see clustered on the mountains are too small to compare to the Creator’s handicrafts.
I could have hesitated to stand by this cliff and look beyond there. But, I would rather see myself conquering my fears and uncertainties. Sagada, I came, I saw, and I conquered! 😀
Unconsciously, I soon learned to place the right foot at every downward step and move a little faster. Too bad I only learned it on the last day. True, I obtained cramps and muscle pain like my other friend from Manila. Yet, the two day visit to Sagada was memorable. Perhaps the pain we had was a reminder that one had to break from his shell in order to feel a whole new world we never had before.
I was hesitant at first. Even though there’s this deep urge to pray for him, I fought against it. I was too sick to pray. Sheila already prayed for him, anyway.
But, Kuya Ar, our anchor last Tuesday, continued to complain about his headache. After the taping, the urge to pray remained in me. So, I had to pray for him and for his headache to leave.
He then asked me to pray for a relative’s baby that has been sick for a while. Not missing the chance, we both prayed for the baby. Then, surprisingly, he prayed for me (who was bothered by colds and coughs for a while).
I wondered how could I be so hesitant to pray. We’re both Christians, but I why was I too shy to pray?
I reflected as I was riding the bus home. The Lord made me realize I was too selfish. I was looking at myself. I thought I don’t have to pray because I was too tired and too sick — I thought I can’t have the strength to pray. But God moves even through the weak. You don’t have to be ultra strong to release effective prayers. It is God who will move through your prayers.
I then realized that if I hadn’t obeyed the Holy Spirit, no breakthrough would be released. No healing would have been brought forth to those who need it (including me). Had I disobeyed Him, it would have surely grieved His heart again.
But the ultimate release here is the power of love. I believe this was a test of loving others. I was so focused to myself, I tried not to bother this tired self in giving a part of me to pray for others. Praying also has the need to exert physically, especially if there’s a deep burden that needs to be released. To pray for Kuya Ar and for other people (especially those I don’t know) is a test for me to release the love of God that has been poured into me. It’s a matter of giving to others and dying to myself that demonstrate what true love is. Should one needs to be perfectly strong to love others? If so, then we can never love anyway. But God proves His love is made perfect in our weak, imperfect human nature.
Thank You, Holy Spirit, for reminding of You and Your love and power. How great is the Lord’s love and grace in this weak and imperfect me. 🙂
The Light and the Sword 