Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Archive for February, 2012

The Tragedy of Being a News Hunter

Sometimes, there are things you can’t simply let go. No matter how hard you try to scrub them off, the harder they cling to your skin. Goodness…

In my months as a reporter, I’ve learned to love news. I’m sick when I don’t read news in the weekends. I hate to stay clueless to the latest updates.

Even out of the office, I would check my twitter for breaking headlines. But I just realized I was getting too much of it. Therefore, I’m no 16-gig microchip. I’m your usual worker trying to be one.

I tried to stay away from news at the end of the day but goodness, no. Even in the bus, the television is open to Manila’s one of the most comprehensive news stations. And while I tried to turn my full attention to the Bible (which I really want to know more), the news attracted much of my attention. Can’t just they turn off that TV? Deep inside I blamed the driver and the conductor for keeping an unsatisfying 5-minute devotion on the road.

Darn…I need to go deeper with the Good News of my Abba. This is better than world news. God, help me. I don’t want to be lost…I’d rather be tuned in to Your freshest revelations more than at the latest news. Bring me to Your secret place…I just need to be back…O.o

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Hungry For More Food

I’m hungry…simply hungry for more of Him and His Word. It’s like food that I will never grow tired of eating. It’s like honey that I long for its sweetness to stay in my mouth not only for a minute but for eternity.

This is the result when I asked the Lord for a deeper knowledge of Him; the thing that I’ve been praying for the past few days. Head knowledge is too shallow for me and too boring to live for. God is Spirit, indeed. And so He invites us to know and worship Him in spirit and in truth.

But one cannot worship and love a God if He is not known in intimacy and passion.

And so, that’s a part of my reason on why I had a day-off. I was too desperate to become closer to His heart. During my two-day excursion at the prayer mountain, I was expecting the Lord would reveal to me by showing Himself in a supernatural vision.

Not so…

Instead, He gave me desire to know Him more through His Word. Indeed, I was already moving into deeper waters, and yet, I was more desperate to go deeper even though the tides drown me in.

But I was appalled to find myself with too little knowledge of His Word – the very Word He spoke straight from His heart.

Reading the whole Bible annually is not enough. Just lately, I discovered more gemstones in His Word that I did not find before. They were a delight, you see. And yet, I’m still at a loss. I want to learn more and yet I don’t know where to start.

That’s when I felt the urgency to have my own mentor.

And so, I do have…but I have just met her recently. Wow, I do believe meeting her was no accident and the Lord brought me and my friend to her so we can learn more.

But my journey in this new season has just begun.

I’m delighted (and desperate) to be in another learning curve with the Holy Spirit. Aw, if those two days were years. But I don’t have to exclude myself from the world – I just have to learn how to cope loving the people in this world while I pursue the deeper knowldge of my Beloved Bridgroom God. ­čÖé

In Between the Lines

I hate mediocrity. Much of ministry work today have become powerless rituals in society.

I hate dictatorship. We have pushed ourselves to hard to do work without remembering The One Thing.

I hate commercialization. Our church today has become a convenience store for self-preservation.

I hate complacency. We have forced ourselves to stay in the level because we are afraid of getting deeper.

But I love to explore. There are more important things other than doing ministry alone. Remember Mary of Bethany.

I’d rather stay broken. I am not willing to preserve myself for the sake of pride. Remember Nathaniel before the King of Persia.

I love to take risks. Sowing much of myself will reap a bountiful. Remember Paul the Apostle.

I love to give it all up. If this has to be for the of becoming closer to His heart. Remember David the King.

I am not bound by tradition but I am bound into His intimacy. May the world discover such treasure. Amen.

The Bloom (After 2 Decades and 7 Years)

I’d always set the whole February as mine. My birthday celebration never ends on the 2nd only. I always claim it as my whole month..so I call it my birthmonth celebration, not a birthday celebration.

So wuzzup with a 27-year old like me? I’m so surprised to have lots and lots of cakes (and because of that I feel loved *mwah mwah*). I intended not to put my birthdate on FB so as to test who knows my day (and until now people greet me). But what I’m expecting is what my Abba will give me for this new season. For sure this is another time to bloom…and it’s up to me to go with it.

I really don’t feel as my age. Age is only a number that people tend to be scared of. But it’s not something to be scared of. Age is a landmark of God’s gift called life. I’ve come to this age and this is a blessing to me.

There are a few things though that I need to let go:

– excessive happy-go-luckiness

– the panic baby

– my nervousness when meeting with big personalities

– pride of the worm

And I have so much to ask for in place of these

– focus

– confidence

– boldness

– acceleration in skills and character

I wonder what the Lord’s in store for me for this season. I’m sure He got a lot of them stored up in His huge storage box in His throne room. All He just wants me to do is ask…and be willing to give up the┬áunnecessary┬áthings in my life to fill me once more and more and more. ­čÖé

Happy birthmonth to me again :))

Sustaining My Passion

The media world is a harsh realm. Ever since I started covering in the senate, I felt a sense of strong competition among different media personnel compared to that in the palace. I am used to the teamwork in the palace press people and so I am appalled by the reality that the media world offers for the sake of popularity and ratings in the outside world.

And so I experienced a belittling of my own entity.

During the first days, I felt desperate. But I had no intention of complaining. Although it’s fun to be with the people in the same feathers called our team, going around looking for ambush interviews were a shock for me. But I had soon beginning to gain a few friends outside our team, mostly young reporters.

But the biggest test was my character check. And it is in here that refinement is beginning to take place.

Naturally, I’m a bit shy…and childish, in fact. I always smile, thanks to my happy-go-lucky character. But the world states that one has to be harsh to win the top. But I don’t intend to be overly popular on TV. I don’t intend to bag awards or win public approval. I am just doing my job. However, this world is trying to put you into compromise.

But only by God’s grace that I survive without seeking fame.

Focusing on the “glitter” of this world is nothing compared to yearning for the love of a God I’ve never seen physically. And yes, how I yearn for Him and want His fellowship. I’ve experienced sinking deep into His presence before but that is not enough. I want more of Him. Thinking that this world will just pull me away from His love, I decided to stay in the church. But that was not His plan.

Outside the church, majority of the world’s entities has no pastor or church worker to touch the unsaved. I remember how desperate I was when I went into “secular” work, but my mother would tell me that I have a reason being there…since no pastor can get in there, who can reach those who had not known the Lord?

I’m no preacher. And I’m not as “great” as Cindy Jacobs or Chuch Pierce and yet I am a part of His puzzle for His Kingdom. I believe the Lord is sending out His children into the remotest part of the urban jungle in order to be a voice to those who have not heard and be a living testimony of His love.

How should I sustain this? I need hunger and thirst. I need passion to lift His Name and embrace His love and give it away. It can never happen should His presence not stay with me and fill me more. I need You, God! And this world needs You!

Little by little or perhaps by one sudden move, the earth will be filled with the knowledge and the glory of Him. And yes, the senate, the palace and the whole nation will be a different place. More of you God…do not only sustain me with You presence…make me sink in You more!

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