“One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.”
Posts tagged ‘desire’
Dance before me
You shadow of fleeting dreams
Why run away so quickly
When my grasping hands meant no harm
I hate it when you tease me
Whenever I juggle nothing with my hands
Or when I stand immovable
Or asleep in my sacred hour
Why torture me with your presence
As if you like my company
If I invite you for a dinner tonight
Must you run away without taking a bite?
Tell me how can I make you stay?
I’ll be more pursuant than any lover
Even if I give up my last penny
To keep you is priceless beyond anything
Together let’s tango away
Away from this hopeless hour
Dancing in the rain
Such is what the weary keep in vain
For the sake of this silent hope
To water what remaining passion
Gagged by stress and pain
Silenced by pressure and competition
Strangled by envy and fear
Pick up these cluttered papers, I plead
To forget what was mauled by empty wisdom and vanity
Do endlessly throw them up in the air
So I can dance in the maddening rain
How long must you long for me
The mist of your eyes
The apparition in your inspiration
The dream of your heart?
Must I keep running away
Or must you stay in seclusion?
My name is deeply etched in your heart
Yet your lips are chained with fear and doubt
With a blindfold you do not want to dare
Walk on the bridge that you thought was burned
Frail are the paper walls between us
With one passionate touch they burn down
Let go of your heart to clearly see your vision
Or I must forever be a silhouette left in your ambition
I don’t know what causes me to write romantic poems these days. Maybe it’s this little song of longing kept in my soft, feminine heart leaking out after twenty-eight years of unusually not getting into a relationship.
I once thought I am tough enough to go without a man in my life. Well, I soon realized that need for that “man who will lavish me with love”.
I am proud of being an NBSB girl (“No-Boyfriend-Since-Birth). I was raised with the culture of school-home-school-friends-home turned into office-home-sleep-office-office-field-office-sleep! 🙂 I tried not to care with my nonchalant routine.
Though I’d go with friends during my idle moments, I never thought I’d begin to long for the “man after God’s own heart”.
Only a few months, I began to pray, very specifically, the one made for me. It surprised me though, because it has never been in a prayer list for years.
Like a teenager, I’m excited to be in a relationship. However, I’m concerned on how I’d handle it.
Am I ready? I believe I am. But is he ready? I’m sure that the Lord will have us bump into each other when His season is right and we’re prepared to face a new world together. Therefore, I’ll wait. And like a wonderful treasure hidden in the deep for thousands of years, I shall emerge with glory the moment my beloved finds me. ❤
Must I forever lay silent
Among the same-shadowed faces?
Must I keep to myself the pain
When your eyes pierce through the shadowed throng?
From the sea I saved you
For second chance to live
Out of the darkness I pulled you
For another chance to love
Yet you pull back into the shadows
Telling me it’s not worth it all
The love I offered you freely
You sold for a empty cup of cherry
Fools roam around my existence
Forcing me to give up all
For a thousand deaths, I am ready to die
Until you take me once and for all
Like a wisp you come,
Haunting my desire,
But the bridges in between
Has been burned into the stream
We only have our passion from within
We try to keep our silence
As ghosts who pretend to exist
Wondering how long must be linger
In close distance to each other
Must you always remain untangible
While I always remain as your dream
If only we can rebuild
The bridges burned in between
My spirit stirring in the night
I am reminded of this one soul
My body resting and my eyes shut
To a surreal world I was ready to embark
Yet I was continually bothered with this distant soul
What was she anyway to me?
She had nothing to do with anything in my life
But for the sake of silence I sat up in strife
Then the Good Father reminded me of her needs
The loss covered by her lofty deeds
There He poured out His love for this wandering soul
To bring her back to Him is His heart’s goal
I wonder why a distant me should stand in the gap
To ask for her to return to the Father’s lap
Then I wondered if anybody has been praying for the removal of her yoke
When they thought she was already complete and whole
Out of the darkness when my petition was poured
The peace of His heart in me soared
Then I knew I have released and decreed His deepest desire
And from here my spirit lay silent all through the night
I was so disappointed with a person I liked. He never considered my considerations. I blamed him for wasting my emotions over his sweet nothings. But there was no agreement, there was nothing really between us. They were all assumptions; I hated myself for almost falling for him. But a friend reminded me: what’s my purpose for wanting to see him? I need to check my heart.
I realized I was selfishly wanting to feed my earthly desire. It was turning out to be a fatal attraction. I did not realize, my Father was protecting me.
I was reminded by my spiritual mother that the heart is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9). The world tells us to follow our hearts, but the Father tells us to follow His heart and His ways. The heart is so deceitful, for it is in our humanistic nature to be born with twisted desires (Matthew 15:18-19). Yet our own passions are so different from His desires for us. And yet His dreams for all of us are for our best, and our most of our passions and our dreams lead to the second best — or nothing at all.
I remembered how imperfect I am. Though I move with His Spirit, there are still so many issues of the heart that need to be addressed. With this, I have to die to myself again.
When I decided to surrender my emotions, I felt that a dark veil was removed from my eyes. My perspective changed. My heart renewed. I believe a part of His heart was poured into mine.
He made me see that my destiny is not as this world planned for me. This world just wanted me to take all, without asking the Father about it. It’s like being a rebel in a free world. But He reminded me that His plans for me are above that I dreams for myself. He loves surprises, I know. And I wondered how His dreams for me will be in His time. He’s teaching me to wait and to abide in Him as I do. When I do, there’s an ever greater blessing…and a big, pleasant surprise for me.
But in waiting, there’s pain. Pain because I’m tempted to be impatient. Pain because my flesh is battling with my renewed spirit.
And so I received revelation what my prayer means: Romans 5:3-5…”let me rejoice in my sufferings, so that it would produce in my endurance, then character, and then hope that will never put me to shame because of the love of the Father that has been poured into my heart through the Holy Spirit.” Such is the given Word for this season since last year.
To rejoice in my sufferings, I have to worship. There is real joy when I delight in the presence of my God. When His presence envelops me, these sufferings are nothing compared to His peace and steadfast love.
I remembered that it is a mandate, and a destiny, to bring His love and His kingdom down into this earth when I earnestly seek Him and call out to Him. In abundance, in trials and pain, His love and glory is above all…and we should rejoice in this truth.
So, what was I disappointed on? Oh, I almost forgot. The joy of leaning on His bosom and hearing His heartbeat filled with love just washed away the pain I had.
I hate mediocrity. Much of ministry work today have become powerless rituals in society.
I hate dictatorship. We have pushed ourselves to hard to do work without remembering The One Thing.
I hate commercialization. Our church today has become a convenience store for self-preservation.
I hate complacency. We have forced ourselves to stay in the level because we are afraid of getting deeper.
But I love to explore. There are more important things other than doing ministry alone. Remember Mary of Bethany.
I’d rather stay broken. I am not willing to preserve myself for the sake of pride. Remember Nathaniel before the King of Persia.
I love to take risks. Sowing much of myself will reap a bountiful. Remember Paul the Apostle.
I love to give it all up. If this has to be for the of becoming closer to His heart. Remember David the King.
I am not bound by tradition but I am bound into His intimacy. May the world discover such treasure. Amen.