Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Posts tagged ‘meditation’

Answers Without Filters

My ultra introverted self has awakened again. I intentionally did not join the team at our company Christmas party. I honestly hate parties but what I hate most is partying with noisy, carefree self-labelled socialites dancing with a glass of fake campaign. 

It seemed I was born with Frank Senatra and Nat King Cole serenading me because I prefer quiet, coffee shop dates, painting pictures, reading books and lots of me time. Like my mom, I’d like to observe other people quietly, clam up my thoughts to myself, free up mental space from the jeje crowds and spend more time away from the colorful personalities that regress my opinions and thoughts. Sometimes, time is best served with self.

But I don’t know why unusual characters surround me. I wonder if my friendly aura or smiling face gives away too much. I am sometimes bothered with weird people who stress me too much. Perhaps I was entertaining them too much. 

A former officemate would message me from time to time to ask if he could borrow money. I’d politely say I would try next time, although I reallt don’t have much. It came to a point that he asked me if I had the money (yes, that casually). That was when I was triggered to say I was struggling financially, I can only budget my money for myself. Should have I said that in the beginning, he would not have relied on me. 

Perhaps, I need to be a little more straightforward to others. I’ve been acting too nicely for a long time. It’s time to tick my brain to give answers without filters. 

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Dwelling In His House

“One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.”

Psalm 27:4
I was ironing my clothes when I had the fun of memorizing the first six verses of Psalm 27. I couldn’t help but go back at verse 4 over and over again, as this has become the favorite of many of us who are in love with Jesus.
Here’s one thing I realized while meditating on this verse. While this cry from the psalmist’s heart has become our heartfelt prayer, too, the Lord has already answered it through His Word, too.
1 Corinthians 3:16 reminds us, “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?” God’s has given His promise of the Holy Spirit’s indwelling to those who have given their lives to Christ. As we stand as the temple of His Spirit, we have access to His glory and His beauty which we can gaze all the rest of our lives. We don’t have to look for His presence from some distant place as He Himself is already living within our hearts.
I have been praying Psalm 27:4 but was surprised to know that God has already answered it. But this doesn’t mean I have to disregard it. Instead, I have to ask for an increase of awareness and of desire to walk with His closely, I can hear the sweet rhythm of His heartbeat.

Words Of Might On the Walls

I was getting ready to bed after a long day when I was captivated by an old framed picture in our house with these words…

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This gave me encouragement and a reason to be thankful for having real friends. I’m not rich with a millionaire’s bank account, but I realize I’m richer in God’s love through friends who don’t mind my status quo but who just love me for being myself. This wall decor has been with us with years and I never thought it would speak again powerfully. Here it quietly lies along the others in a small corner beside my room, where our eyes pass by them everyday but their existence is nearly taken for granted.

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I used to muse at each one of them when I was a small girl scratching the walls with various colored pens. I thought some of them was too dull to look at, so maybe I could make up a little story on one of them:

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As I was growing up, I would meditate at each of them from time to time. I believe this one has been the motto of most Christian families:

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This one is also a favorite verse during Sunday school days because it’s easy to memorize.

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As for this one, I pray the same for you.

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One little framed picture above them was a prayer for marriage. I have not mused on that yet, maybe because it’s not yet the season. 🙂

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My favorite among them is this framed poem of “Footprints In the Sand”. I’ve always wondered if real sand was used in this mixed artwork and marvelled at how Jesus can be that loving after reading the poem over and over again.

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Topping them all was this short but popular quote among Bible-believing Christians in my generation. That used to scare me as a kid because I haven’t had the grasp of what salvation was all about. I once thought that heaven was boring because I thought that we’d do nothing in eternity but play harps among the clouds.

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Lastly, the sides are furnished with these decors made if shells with a nearly fading handpainted blessing.

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Dust has already settled on them but the words they contain still carry the same power that can change lives. From time to time, I can’t help but stop and stare at one, and let me consider God’s promises in my life. I guess this is the reason they remain hanging on our wall. We just can’t take away God’s Word off our lives because it makes us alive. The time will come that these decors may deteriorate just like us, but for a season they have served the purpose of bringing back to our hearts of God’s covenant with us.

A Penny For A Thought

Ever wonder if the King of kings is fascinated with the cheerful laughter of an innocent child amidst the formalities of a Sunday service?

Or the silence of the winds on the trees while the drums blare wildly?

Do you ever wonder if these unnoticed signs say more than those we think say already much?

When are we going to communicate with our inner being that can secretly reach the Almighty without rocket science?

Once we do, would we be surprised if we discover new treasure folds of wisdom more amazing than the most mysterious of galaxies?

A Contention of Passion


Sometimes, I feel like a passionate person living in the wrong place in a limited time. I feel that this world is too small to me and yet I’m too tired to get out of it.

I wanted to be somebody else. 

I belong to a generation that longs for more. Most of us have been well-pampered by hardworking parents who wanted us to get off from the tragedy of their hardships in their timeline. The sacrifices they made are what we have been taking for granted from the time we were born. And yet we wanted so much more…

Where to start and how to? I have no idea…

And yet, we were born with this kind of passion that is ready to burst anytime. The sad part is that we don’t know how to use it, ending up in exploding miserably. When the passion within us is used in the wrong way, it causes us to choose the wrong decisions causing dire consequences. We have been given choices, but we can’t discern which is the best for us.
 
Sometimes, I’d wish God would just give me a blueprint of my destiny. If only He’d lay out a map before me with easy directions like: go left, then turn right, take the six steps then go down into the hole, take a slide through the waterfalls and there you’ll find the prize. But God has given us freewill. We make our choices. We finalize our decisions.

But I believe this search of the identity of my passion is no vague issue. It’s just, God loves to give out clues and surprises. He already had a blueprint for us. We just have to ask — and trust Him in His answers. 

If you expect a layout of His giant blueprint of one lifetime of your destiny, don’t expect it that way. What God will give you are puzzle pieces…and each one is priceless. It’s just up to us to receive it, but we have the right to choose choice B, C, D and so on. Maybe because we humans might not remember every details of the whole thing in time. Our life’s destiny might be too overwhelming. It has to be taken step by step. 

Our passion is made within us the moment we were born. Our passion is connected to our destiny and our being. Yet, the directions that we undertake is part of a refinement of our character so as to be good stewards of this passion when released. In the end, if we discover for what our passion is for, it will bloom beautifully — not exploding tragically.  
Do I know for what my passion is for? I’m on the road to discover it. I love to do a lot, and yet I don’t know where I’d fit. Where will I go next? I’d just ask. If I’ll never ask perhaps I’ll never know…and I might get lost and my passion just wasted.

A New Season After the Rebirth

82 or 28? Age doesn't matter. As long as you're loved and you love, that's more than enough :)

82 or 28? Age doesn’t matter. As long as you’re loved and you love, that’s more than enough 🙂

I’m now 28…and excited for the new season in my life.

A lot of people would tell me that I’ve arrived in the marrying age. In this era of instant attraction and microwave relationships, to find someone like me is alien. But I wouldn’t mind. I don’t want to go with the world’s standards. I want to claim my inheritance only found in my Father’s heart.

And my birthday is unlike any other…I spent it alone with my beloved Bridegroom God.

Days ahead, I was very excited. I sensed that this is a new season for me (not minding my age). I kept on nudging God to surprise me. And He did. But it was not as expected.

First, He surprised me with greetings, a day before my actual birth date. Receiving heartfelt greetings is more than receiving a thousand gifts to me (especially when I received text messages and calls from friends on my very birthday). Let me tell you, to be loved is more than gaining the whole earth. That’s why I was even more excited by then.

Next, the Lord brought me to a sanctuary I’ve never been. Unlike in the other prayer mountains I usually go up with friends, I ventured out to this new place — alone. Now, that’s an adventure. I believe it was a prophetic gesture…it’s like declaring that I’m ready to go to this new season that I’ve never been before.

Save for the caretaker (who became my instant friend), I had the whole Prayer House to myself. Now, this is a treat. I can scream and sing at the top of my lungs to the Lord with Habakkuk, my guitar. But that was not the case. I guess for about 63 percent of my stay, I slept.

Ok, so this is a sleeping date, Lord. I wondered why.

Then, I received my ultimate surprise.

I asked for a Word. Scanning in Exodus to look for Moses prayer to asking the Lord to show him His glory, I was led to Exodus 33:13, “If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you…”

Cool prayer! I thought to myself. I did pray it, and just as the Lord had answered Moses in verse 14, I believe He gave me the same answer.

“My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

The rest of the words in the page became blurred. This one was the shout out in this season. As I reviewed the prayers and the prophecies given to me at the beginning of 2013, the main word was “REST”.

And from the pain, the toil, the struggles I had in the latter part of 2012, the birth pains have ended. I am now in a season of resting in His presence. The conception has been done. I am reborn.

From learning from Romans 5:3-5 (and praying it), I’m now given Exodus 33;13-14 as the word for this season. I believe the Lord wants to teach me to completely abide in Him. To rest also means to abide and to trust in His presence which will stay with me as I walk into a room, or as I stay in my beat, or go to a violent rally, or at the toils of my job. It’s a promise at the same time, and such is the loving promise He gave me that I have to be willing to have my heart and character refined in this time of rest.

I believe this resting period is a preparation to greater things He is preparing for me. I believe this is a short season before I step out of the boat and walk on water.

Such is my surprise. Now, call me alien. The things I’ve received is not as tangible as this physical world but these are more than enough for me. Should I be scared in the coming days? I should never be. The coming days are unsure but I’d rather face it with anticipation for I have received a promise that is more than silver and gold. I’m also very glad to know how much I am loved. To have love from others and to give away love is more fulfilling than gaining fame and power.

Surprise me more, Lord. 🙂

Bus Ride Irony

I live in a very competitive world. For the sake of social survival I go with the flow of the crowd. I go along the same road, I ride in the same bus, I embrace the same routine along with thousands of others who leave the comforts of their homes just to work.

My usual bus ride in the morning. If your destination is quite too far, you have to have strong knees for an hour of travel…

I can’t deny that we still have this competitive mindset even if by just riding a bus or a train. We try to outwit one another by getting a good seat first, but the person we compete with will actually ride the same bus with us. I don’t understand why the rush if we still have a lot of time to get to the office without being late. As a crowd in competition, I observe how we are unconsciously losing our considerate culture. Old folks are left standing for an hour of travel, expectant mothers are suffer along the way, the most able men and women get the most comfortable seat. The irony of competition made us numb. For the sake of survival we have become selfish. But who are we to focus only on ourselves? We live with a crowd so as not to live for ourselves alone.

With such a mindset, it reflects how we vie for a good position and name in our career. The madness of our jobs made us numb to push one another to get to the top. Most in this young generation today is taught how to survive life by getting the best of your job and the best of your salary. But we were not trained to be compasionate to one another. Society tells us to push harder but not love harder. But in the moment we have become old and gray, we ask ourselves, “What have we reaped?” Having a good position and name may give us a good medal that lasts for thirty years; but a umcompassionate and loveless character may leave us with nothing before we die.

We live for the moment. We ride a bus to work for the moment. But it is at such a moment that puts us to the test of having an eternal gift of love.

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