Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Archive for October, 2013


image (3)I appreciated Oscar Wilde after my visit to Dublin, Ireland last week. From his childhood home (which is now American College) and Trinity College (where he had his education), I had a glimpse of the life of the popular Irish writer and playright whose works sit quietly in my bookshelf. When I returned home, I got to take a look Wilde’s bio, who I had not given keen interest at though I had appreciated his works in my earlier years.

Oscar Wilde's birthplace which was turned into the American College in 1995

Oscar Wilde’s birthplace which was turned into the American College in 1995


Trinity College, one of the universities where Oscar Wilde had his education and where his literary prowess started to flourish

Trinity College, one of the universities where Oscar Wilde had his education and where his literary prowess started to flourish

GEDSC DIGITAL CAMERA“The Picture of Dorian Gray” and “The Happy Prince and Other Stories” were just some of his works that got me drawn because of the flamboyance of his storytelling. Most of them being tragic, provoking thoughts on the irony of humanity: the tendencies for us to forget and be ungrateful at the sacrifices of another. His novel “The Picture of Dorian Gray”, on another note, depicts how man can be deceitful, as well as how Wilde attacks the hypocrisy of upper-class Victorian lifestyle, though stylistic as he was. But somehow, his reflective views had retaliated back at him at his later years.

Despite of his popularity and lavish lifestyle, Wilde died destitute. After being imprisoned by the father of his lover, Lord Alfred Douglas, he was left on his own. It breaks my heart how this witty and celebrated writer was left with almost no one at his deathbed.

Somehow, I felt his loneliness at his final days. Involved in homosexuality, he must have searched for something missing in his heart. He was religious though, being brought up with a strong Irish Catholic background. But sadly, this missing piece must not have been found.

We all have heart issues. This gifted man himself, who had everything in the world once, have looked for real love. We’re all looking for it. In the end, he tried to search for it, especially to the people once close to him. But no one can give it because only the Lord can.
GEDSC DIGITAL CAMERAFame can never attest to everything. Perhaps, if one person might have shown compassion to him, he must have had everything. Love is the one thing more priceless than anything in the world. And it’s one thing we cannot comprehend fully, too.

Wilde never returned to Ireland at the end of his life. Tragically, he did not find home in his final destination, but wandered in France to search for his soul. Still, he deserves the accolades of being a gifted writer himself. He has contributed so much in the literary world and his works has not failed to move the generation to think on humanity itself. For once, Dublin has made alive in me a long lost genius who had never returned home…and reminded me that home can be found in those who love us most.

Surviving the Dangerous Waters

“Do fishes have emotion?” I asked my mom while looking at the pool filled with variously colored koi.

“Of course they do,” she replied, “they also feel stress.”

I asked the question because I was wondering how they would feel when they’re removed from the comforts of their calm, cultured world. Put them in a running river or the open sea, these fishes might feel extreme stress. The outside world is too hostile compared to the serenity offered by their artificial pond. I wouldn’t wonder if they don’t survive at all in the open sea or the dangerously gushing river.

It’s the same with us human beings. We love to stay in our comfort zones. When we are placed in an environment or situation outside these comfort zones, we become stressed. What if like a fish, we have no chance of going back to that artificial pond? We have two choices: give up and destroy ourselves or overcome and emerge stronger.

It’s good to be in the comfort zone, but there is also great danger in it. There’s a false sense of peace going on around it, causing us to be unaware how our senses, thinking, discernment and ability are destroyed by a bacteria called complacency. We’re trading all talents and ability for sleep. Thus, when the shell of comfort are destroyed around us, we are caught unaware, too late to realize that all our capacity to survive is lost.

But when we are put into dangerous waters, this is the time we use every given ability, talent, and thinking into survival mode. Through this, we learn how to stand up and strengthen ourselves and forge ourselves to persevere until we develop the ability to survive.

I’ve been put into such moments many, many times. But at such instances, I wanted to give up and destroy myself, believing its the only way to get out of the problem. But, of course, we are not meant to stand in the flames alone. Do you know how God wanted to partner with us? In Him, we can have all the survival mode that we can need: the abilities, talents, thinking, and wisdom can only come from the Creator of time and space. By the moment I thought I got nothing, I just ask the Father the grace and wisdom to overcome. In Him, I got everything, and in Him I can persevere and survive.

When we are put into dangerous waters, don’t curse the moment. Instead, it’s an opportunity and privilege to become stronger and better people yet.

Silent Wildfire

I am a wildfire
Filled with passion
Burning with intensity
Receiving heaven’s flame
Fire never quenched
Rising from the ashes
Keep me in a basket
I’ll burn with rage
Lock me in a cage
I’ll wreck it with bare hands
I cannot stay silent
To watch justice crumble
Morality deteriorating
Truth dying
And the road twisted
Let me go as I am stirred
Let me run as I am ready

I am a wildfire
Let me shout a war cry
That destroys the destroyer
And burns the deceit of the deceiver
Let my passion
Burn the blindfolds of the slaves
And the bridges that bring them to death
I cannot stop
To keep this wildfire in me
For I will pass this
To the thirsty for justice

My Love Story On the Way! <3

“How do you know you’re in love?” I asked an officemate while walking home.

“Well,” he said, “it has different takes on different people. Some may feel happy when you simply see or talk to the person you like…it varies…”

I only smiled. To be in love must be a crucial thing.

I’m happy for my friends who get into relationships. But there are times I’m tempted to be jealous. I used to hate to see lovers walking hand in hand in malls because they looked so corny. But now, I hated it because I’d secretly wish I’m like them, too.

For those who do not know, I never had a boyfriend since birth.

I’ve had crushes, of course. But the feeling of infatuation can be confused with love. I get attracted, but to handle one’s heart is another thing.

A lot of boys (and even men) would express how pretty I am, but are not really that serious. Because nobody had ever expressed (yet!) how serious one can be, I’d sometimes wonder what’s wrong with me.

Such is the longing to be loved. Perhaps, it would be heavenly to know that someone is excited to see me at the end of the day and share how he feels for me and holds my heart gently at the same time.

Deep inside of me, I swear that I will love this person with all my heart and take care of his heart, too.

Let me be a woman that he will honor, the flesh of his flesh and the bone of his bones.

May he become my strong right hand, my knight in shining armor who would not turn back when the dragon’s fire strike.

His desire be only be for me and my love be only be his.

I wonder…just wonder…how will this love change me as it would change him, too.

I’m so excited, but when I find I’m not yet at this stage, I feel desperate. Perhaps, just perhaps, he has not found me yet.

And I might not have heard of him yet.

Perhaps, he’s praying the same prayer as I do. And we’re just on the way to the intersection.

Perhaps, our hearts have not been unveiled before one another.

As my friend puts it, “You will never expect when to fall in love.” It’s amazing when lovers cherish their love, but what’s more amazing is how they cherish each other.

These people waited (though they are younger than me), prayed, and sought for God’s heart and their beloved’s heart.

They did not go for the sake of passion but pursued at God’s go signal.

They can balance their life’s aspect while handling a relationship. They know which one is worth and not. They may be different from their boyfriends or girlfriends and yet accept each other no matter how different they are.

This I saw it from my friends, and perhaps their season has come for me to see how the Lord blesses such relationships borne in purity and true love.

And He is writing my greatest romance testimony. I just can’t wait to see how it will go. šŸ™‚

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