Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Archive for November, 2019

Burning Excess Baggages

I’ve finally let go of an old flame. The courage to block him on social media sites came on late, though. But doing so gave me the feeling of liberation.

We have parted our ways a long time ago, but I kept on stalking him from time to time. Unfriending him was not enough to keep me from doing so. The foolish me was hoping to see if he still wants me…or at least, misses me…as he did in those text messages.

They were just fleeting words, but my heart was trapped in a web of lies for a year. The jerk in him was unmasked when I confronted him. “All I want is to be a good friend,” he faltered, and suddenly all the empty promises came fleeting like ashes in a violent wind of emotions. This is not a man worth my time or my hopes. I’ve decided to let him go…but I was deceiving myself.

But as always, his social media plied no trace of his humanity, just a reflection of his religious fanaticism…dead and emotionless. His page glared at me as if it was a death mask that would never be removed from the face of its master. Four years from this hopeless romanticism, I have to gather the courage to shatter my obsession. I’ve realized there are more people worth my time, my emotions, my being. New friends who show me there’s more room to grow and love. New promises that enlighten my perspective. A future that’s brighter and lovelier than my past. The past is not worth mourning anymore. I need to burn it. Bury it. Forget it. Along with his memory.

Now, that he’s gone, I’m free from such a heavy load. I have to walk weightless because the journey towards a better tomorrow will never be easy. But leaving this baggage of bitterness and hopeless will help me move forward and run towards the sunrise.

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