Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Archive for May, 2012

Full Trust in the State of Massive Loss

“And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the Name of the Lord.”
Job 2:21

This verse has been ringing in my head over and over for a few weeks. I just can’t imagine how somebody like Job can still praise God despite of his sudden tragedies in life. Just like the song, he was able to bless the Name of the Lord, for he knew that everything came from him.

When I passed through the book of Job, I was quite surprised to see how this man had already died to himself. He’s not totally blameless, you see, for he still had small flaws in his being. Yet, his viewpoint of God is so different from his contemporaries even from most of us. He knew that because of God’s infinity and greatness, he knew he had no right to rant and complain, but he wanted to plead his cause before the Lord. I felt quite guilty when he told his wife “…shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?” (Job 2:10). I was even more shocked because his trust was not rattled when he said “Though He slay me, I will hope in him…” (Job 13:15). Talk about a person dead to himself!

It’s hard to die to oneself, I know. Although I have received the Lord Jesus and surrendered my life to Him, I must admit I’m not yet 100% submitted to Him. There are many things and aspects in my life that are hard to let go (on my part). Selfishness is a natural part of me. I have this short-term memory to forget that everything I have are just lent.

“The earth is the Lord’s, and the fullness thereof, the world and those who dwell therein…” Psalm 24:1 says. Indeed, everything is His and yet he gave dominion to man (Psalm 8:6). And because we have sold ourselves to the enemy, we began to dwell in selfishness, forgetting that what we have are just lent so that we are taught to be good stewards.

The Lord gives us blessings but He does not ask for a price. It’s just, we have to remember that He has the right to take something from us for our own good. To learn not to whine when something is taken away is hard, especially when it’s close to our heart. He do blesses, but He wants us to become fully close to His heart and fully trust in Him. When we don’t receive a good salary though we have worked very well, shall we praise Him? When the car dies down while we are rushing to the office, can we still lift our hands in adoration? When we missed an opportunity to bring us to greener pastures, can we still say glory be to God? When the most beloved person died in a tragic way, can we still say blessed be Your Name?

Job had lost hundreds of camels, sheep, oxen, and donkeys. But I believe that most tragic was the loss of his ten children. In the end, he was able to worship as he mourned (Job 2:20). To worship God is to show we still trust Him, despite of tragedy. To worship at such a moment is a sign that we have died to self. It just takes much more of me to be just like Job.

I got a lot of pains and complaints and yet I want to just like Job’s character. I still have a lot of refinement to go through. I’m no holy person, but I’m just God’s work in progress. May I learn and know more, and let me become like Jesus. I pray, let me say despite of life’s pains, blessed be Your Name…

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Aftermath of a Night Song Blues

I would describe a horrible night as being stranded in a highway for one hour due to a malfunctioned bus. And this is one cause for a mega-stress mostly that I have to be in the office too early today for my assignment. But in the midst of it, I remained calm…and strangely less complaining, as if expecting a little miracle even after a longer period of time.

I don’t know, but as I stepped down the bus, this little song kept on playing inside my head

Think about His love
Think about His goodness
Think about His grace that brought us through

For as high as the heavens above
So great is the measure of our Father’s love

Great is the measure of our Father’s love

This is a pretty old song that used to play in our large cassette player in our living room when I was a little girl, the age when Sunday school was a trend for church kids like me. When my teacher had it played at my visit last weekend, it did not excite me (compared to rock worship like “Rain Down” or “One Way”) and yet it started to play back on the night I was stranded. And, oh, this line sank deep into my heart: “Great is the measure of our Father’s love”.

So for one hour, somehow, I did not want to complain, rant, rage or demand for a new bus to take me home…but waited… I just expected and dwelled in the thought His love is indeed great, it was more than keeping me safe. It satisfies.

What a little song did to me was to remind me of where I should be. And because of His great love, I have no reason to stay in the stress plain…because His love is bigger than my stress itself… šŸ™‚

The Learning Curve of Love

I don’t understand why some schools offer instant learning modules to kids as small as 3 years old. On my way to meet my discipler, I suddenly passed by an ad for a learning institution offering parents that they would can make their 3 year old kids read in just 3 months. Goodness, I would consider myself then as a late learner because I only began to read at 5. I was just scribbling doodles on my mom’s notebook, every encyclopedia books, and our walls at age 3!

I must admit, kids are fast learners today. But we can’t expect every kid go along with what we teach, right? I remember one kid in our school who was a luckluster because he was a slow reader. In our society, we consider such as that as slow learners. But we are being too cruel…just too cruel…we don’t remember that not every medal bearer after graduation excel in life.

Just as varied as our personalities, our learning abilities are also varied differently. Not every dyslexic, poor in math (as yours truly), or stuttering fellow is a – excuse for the word – dumb fellow. It’s just, we have our own level of interests and levels. Some of us learn quick in this and slow at that…we can’t rate everybody useless if he can’t go with the rest of us.

But somehow, this society is quick to label poor fellows. As an excited sanguine who loves to imagine, overeact, laugh to my heart’s content, I’m not safe from the ridicule of kids – and adults of my generation. Somehow, my happy-go-lucky nature had me in the fool’s category. That’s the reason I’m afraid to go with cholerics…or melancholic-cholerics…especially those serious geniuses roaming in the government desks in coats and barongs.

That’s the reason we try to pretend. I try to pretend not to laugh at little amusing things…but I can’t help it. We do have our own little pretentions, c’mon admit it. But that’s not going to help. Oh and yes, we don’t have to hate others who are not to our own liking (especially if his personality or his IQ is not at your level). To love is the easiest word to say, but the hardest act to do. When we watch another’s difference, that’s a major hindance. Well, reason why most kids who are called slow learners are the least loved at school and grow in bitterness.

Jesus did not look at another’s hindances. He did not even call the beggars idiots or dumb. But He confronted the hypocrites with courage and frankness. I wonder how it is to look at others with love. We call ourselves Christians but we mostly become like the Pharasees who accused the adulteress death. I wonder what did Jesus see to grant her forgiveness. All He had were the eyes of love. I wish to have the same pair of eyes. It’s not impossible. The question is if I’m willing to die to myself and deny myself to have them.
I do have a lot to learn though. We don’t have to label each other because of differences. So what if I don’t have this and you got that? It’s dosen’t matter…love is higher than any accolade or intelligence garnered from school. I guess we can learn better if we are willing to be hurt when we love. Because when we love, we die to ourselves, until we become like the One who loved us first…

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