Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Archive for June, 2013

Through the Open Door

I couldn’t believe I’m finally seeing this. This is the simple dream that lay dormant beneath my busy mindstate.

Rest…finally. After all these grueling days of writing scripts, covering different beats, and sacrificing much of myself despite having terrible colds, I’m here on our little couch. Perhaps you can’t imagine how comforted and happy I feel by just looking through that open porch door. But there’s something more than that door.

I see my happy childhood memories. I can remember the feeling of being excited while wondering what’s the world outside. It is through this door that introduced me that there’s life more than this little playground called house.

I see my favorite jackfruit tree. Oh, it’s more than a jackfruit tree, I’m proud of it. My friends who have tasted some of its fruits can’t help but ask for more. And again, it’s connected to my happy childhood. I’ll never forget how my sister and I used to hang out beside it. I love how its leaves try to catch the sun rays at noon. Its green leaves even try to disguise itself orange during sunset. And I can’t even count how many creepy crawlers on its branches tried to make me scream.

I see light. Try to close it and the house darkens. Just give me the bliss of basking in its brightness while feeling sick.

I see freedom. Wow, I feel free by just looking at the open life from the inside. Reminds me how free life is. I believe I’ve forgotten this freedom after basking too much at work.

I see life. All these memories and realizations counted into one thing we should not miss — the joy of being alive.

Perhaps, I can only remember this once in in a while. But then, just like rich wine, they become better when opened and tasted again.

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What You See Is Not What You Get

“Why are there people who seem to get all the luck in the world?” A fellow reporter said half-jokingly. In the middle of the event, we can’t help but watch the striking personalities matched with similarly-attractive people.

I just smiled. Almost everyone in this world does not think the same as a few does.

It’s not about luck. It’s not about being beautiful. There is more than what meets the eye. I know these words were said over and over again. Yet, it takes so much of our minds to be absorb and realize these truths.

It would only take our spirits to be alive to know that our standards are not the basis of life. When we commune with the Lord, His eyes become our eyes, as His heart become our hearts. That’s when we see that the things we thought as beautiful, are not really the best in eternity at all.

Nostalgia and Deja Vu

Nostalgia and deja vu,
Both tingle my weakened senses
Not knowing which is which
A struggle in my eternal consciousness

Childhood dreams in hazy afternoons
Hope unseen felt in lost reality
A burdened heart after an unpromised glory
Switched with promises of a bewitching tomorrow

Pictures of the past present a future recall
Age and time burden these happy faces
Goodbyes I baded to the forgotten souls I loved
Now turn to unknown people who have not come in form

The hovering premonition of a closing chapter
Remind me how it all began
A cause to celebrate how it will all end
And begin a new one in a different bend

For once I see a different tune
Between nostalgia and deja vu
Would I not but stand in awe
On how I grew and changed in all

Circus Battleground

The crowd roared as the heart-broken performer hangs on the trapeze in suspense. The lights glimmered and dimmed in rhythm as dancers drowned their fears and insecurities. The little clowns covered their depression in thick make-up by reenacting their tragedies. The powers and principalities were entertained, looking forward for another intense act of broken homes, lost lives, and dramatic deaths. Welcome to your daily freak show. The circus that clothed every blinded prisoner in glitter and color. The show that feed every demon’s lust for a broken life.

But among the lost and broken is a soul free from the leashes of whips of the heartless ringmaster.  No one touches him as he watches in their midst. But there was no other way out. It’s either he stays unnoticed or war the principalities around him.

And just like the little warrior-in-the-making, I did not know what to do…or rather…I don’t want to do what I must do.

Almost everyone around me is a unconscious victim of sin, lies, and pride. A man indifferent to porn and curses, a woman having one-night stands with different men while searching for real love, a successful and beautiful journalist with a broken family, a prominent and intelligent government official loud on his extramarital affair.

And here I am. The “quiet, innocent sheep” doing nothing but that mundane working routine.

Until the moment of empowerment came again. My workplace is not a place to make money, it is a mission field to conquer.

It is a mountain where I am called to reap the harvest. It is where the thrones of wicked kings are meant to be toppled down for the freedom of these victims.

But first of all, it is me who should be liberated…I need liberation from my comfort zone. My hibernation causes me to shut my eyes from the pain of the world around me, and yet my own make-believe world can never take me out of here.

But I have this deep passion that pains me from staying in my shell…

…and compassion in order to break them from their chains.

I’ve been decreed with authority. I’ve been given weapons. I’ve been reminded over and over the mountains that can be moved with I speak. It’s just I tried to shut up the tragedy and the deceptive “normalcy” that I hope not to touch. I loved my little, quiet world. But I am not meant to stay here forever.

Who am I to be afraid of the wicked principalities, anyway? For greater is the Lord, full of wisdom and might, who is in me than he who is in the world.

All I have to do is to open my eyes…and fight to move forward…

Balancing Night and Day

I fixed my eyes in the darkness, as I laid down in the stillness of this humid night. I’ve been sleeping for four hours only to wake up to the hour that I have to sleep again.

I’m a sleepyhead these days. No matter how I tried to maintain an active lifestyle, I only ended up in dreamland. These past few days, I demanded much: give me my work and life balance or I’ll walk out after eight hours on duty…or much more, give me my eight hour beauty sleep everyday.

But that was never done.

And yet, I long for this sleep. But with this sleep, it shortened my time to savor the weekends. In just two days, my holidays are all over. I also felt my body slowing down. Still, this sleep became my comforter. It kept me away from a destructive world. It made me forget the stressful facet of life. It gave me a surreal world of who I long to be.

But when I opened my eyes, I only starred at darkness. I missed reading a lot of books. I missed bonding with my mom or with friends. I missed the very moment to reflect at my life — the reality where I exist. I missed doing a lot of activity that would help me grow in spirit and truth.

That’s why, it’s important to keep a balanced time each day. Eight hours for work, eight hours for recreation, and eight hours of sleep. To focus much of your day to one side will cause an imbalance in your body, much like a boat being capsized by a huge storm. I’m trying though, to be honest. It just takes one to learn time-consciousness. When I balanced one day, it gave me fulfillment…and a good rest, enough to keep me going for the next day. 🙂

Here I am, starring at the darkness. I’m thinking of what to do next. Oh well, I guess I’d better be up to find something worthwhile to do in this remaining night.

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