Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Posts tagged ‘promise’

Rebooting decisions

I’ve come to a point where I’ve been harboring regrets over the choices I’ve made. There are days when I wonder if I have been richer after taking up psychology or IT instead of Mass Communication. There are also nights when I mourn my decision to leave BPO to pursue the media industry. I could have been at odds with my former co-workers, performing as a manager like them instead of festering my wounds in my failure to become a famous reporter. The 30-year mark in my life (add it with two more years) is another milestone to look back and evaluate myself. What I’ve found was disappointing as I have failed my dreams, my ambitions and myself.

I had shifted from dream to dream as a child. I’ve wanted to become a teacher, a world-renown writer and illustrator, a TV reporter, an advertiser and then a filmmaker. That’s how I’ve ended up in Mass Communication. All I had was passion. I did not realize my college course would never define my final niche. 

I went from job to job. I was given a chance to work as a TV reporter and a segment producer in a small TV station. I attempted going up the ladder by getting into a bigger and more popular station but I did not survive its toxicity. I went back to the corporate world, still not knowing where I should be. Here’s where I’ve recognized the importance of practicality over passion. If I had forseen this twenty years ago, I might have been a richer and a more successful person by now.

But success cannot be found in money or position.

Isn’t it comforting to know that despite of all these circles I have been through, God has this promise imbeded in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I will never forget that peace that washed me like a cool river when I have made my full decision to leave the media industry. God confirmed it even more through other people. It struck me hard when I heard Kris Valloton saay in his teaching (which I will paraphrase) “It dosen’t matter whether we have failed our foremost plans because God still has plan B, C and so on…what matters is His purpose for us.”

I believe I am yet on my way for my purpose to be fulfilled as I continue jumping from crossroad after crossroad. Despite of disappointments, I keep on picking up gems of wisdom. In the end, it is not fame or position that will make me a better person. All these lessons I’ve learned in life will help me find my niche in this life, as well as guiding me to take up the right pathway to my destiny. 

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Dwelling In His House

“One thing I ask of the LORD, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.”

Psalm 27:4
I was ironing my clothes when I had the fun of memorizing the first six verses of Psalm 27. I couldn’t help but go back at verse 4 over and over again, as this has become the favorite of many of us who are in love with Jesus.
Here’s one thing I realized while meditating on this verse. While this cry from the psalmist’s heart has become our heartfelt prayer, too, the Lord has already answered it through His Word, too.
1 Corinthians 3:16 reminds us, “Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit lives in you?” God’s has given His promise of the Holy Spirit’s indwelling to those who have given their lives to Christ. As we stand as the temple of His Spirit, we have access to His glory and His beauty which we can gaze all the rest of our lives. We don’t have to look for His presence from some distant place as He Himself is already living within our hearts.
I have been praying Psalm 27:4 but was surprised to know that God has already answered it. But this doesn’t mean I have to disregard it. Instead, I have to ask for an increase of awareness and of desire to walk with His closely, I can hear the sweet rhythm of His heartbeat.

The Forked Road

My 2015 has been a season of risks. I have been in the middle of two roads for time and a time, tasting the air for directions. When once I thought that the road I have chosen will go on as a single path, it ends up in another forked road which I have to decide again at the beginning of 2016.

I have chosen the former path because I had soured upon the old path of conformity. I had desired new learning and prestige in another field. Somehow my prayers were answered. But as I consumed these past few months full of tears and struggle, I need to weigh again God’s real plan for my life. Was this His actual will or just His permissive will? I had to decide. Perhaps, I am called to another path I have been running away…and turn there.

Still, from this strange path that I have taken I will carry lessons and changes that has greater purposes at their ripened time. Wherever I go and whatever road I choose, I shall remember never to give up, to keep on running the race, and do everything for God’s glory despite of suffering.

At the end of every forked road I face, the dawn arises. Whether I choose one or another, I know that I shall find hope along the way for my trust is upon the Lord, who never let’s go of my hand as I walk in this path of life.

Redeeming Broken Promises

broken promiseI wonder what makes people break their promises. For a number of reasons, I have been offended by so many friends who were not true to their word. I have a list of those significant ones who had gravely offended me. But the deeper offense was they callously walk away from it. I must admit these have greatly disappointed me, reason enough for me to get even.

Who wouldn’t be disappointed when a friend did not pay for your fare after he said he would when you to accompany him to enroll in a university? Or when somebody disregarded the farewell gift he promised you before he goes abroad or before you resign from the company you both worked in? How about when a really special friend did not take you to the special place he has been telling you from the beginning? Perhaps, these things are small and unimportant to the ones who released these vows. Yet, it means a lot to those who had received these promises.

Words are very significant. They should not be taken lightly. They are not made of thin air, but of power that can bring life and death. If sticks and stones can hurt us, words can hurt us more. How much more words that have been withdrawn from our trust, not having any closure on the matter? Most in this generation have lost the sense of commitment, watering down perspective on the power words can bring.

Broken promises can destroy relationships and unity, signifying that the promise-bearer is not a person of honor. Every promise released is a binding thread between lovers, friends, family, and master and student.

I am not being proud here. I have my share of delayed promises, but I’d always make sure that I keep my word, no matter how long it had taken.

So, how about the list of broken promises? I leave them into the hands of my promise-keeping God. He is the One true Promise Keeper. His promises to look after you, to provide for you, and love you has never failed, generations after generations. What did He do to that list? He burned them up. He wanted me to show that His grace towards the promise breakers is wider than these broken promises. That I have to follow His example of giving them a second chance. He has given us endless chances to turn away from breaking promises while He waited for us.

I’m so glad that there are always second chances given to us who are never perfect in every way. But we have to learn how to forgive, let go, and begin anew. The Lord has been that graceful. There are times that I feel so ashamed that He can be more faithful to me than I could ever be.

Perhaps, one day, these broken promises will be redeemed. It might not be the same as before, but given another chance, they can be mended along with the trust that has been ripped with it.

War of the Unseen Worlds

I live in two worlds. One seen and one unseen.

I can’t believe how my world changes when I go out into the field, when I mingle with people whose perception are not the same as mine. It’s hard to fathom and to explain to them, and I always have a hard time explaining what I see from what they see.

The world’s perspective is never the same as those who had seen the light in Christ Jesus. I can’t force you the truth. No, I don’t want a debate. But my heart always ache when people tell me that this is how things should be — when the world tells you to plan this way without seeking the Lord.

I can sense how free it is to be with people whose hearts are hungry for God; who in their longing to see the truth and righteousness, see the Lord; and whose surrendered lives exhibit pure love to others.

This is the world that I love to be in, when eyes do not look at others with lust and when voices are raised in one accord to worship the Lord. This is the world of freedom.

But once I leave such a place, I see a desolation. Here, I find people whose perspective are trapped in the “normal” course of life; in such a place, hearts have become calloused with the degradation that sin has caused into this world.

This is the plain where I find people dying around me. This is the field where hope and vision are stolen from mankind.

How I ache for all to know how great God’s plan is for everyone.

From the beginning, even before we are formed in our mother’s womb, He knows what’s the best for us. We’ll be surprised that maybe our ideal age to marry does not match His, and even our dream career is never the same as He has in store for us. For most of the time, we tend to follow our senses, thinking that this is it. But what we don’t know is that our identities and destinies can only be known if we surrender to the Lord what has been instilled into us. In the beginning, the Lord has already planned the best for us. But we have been deceived by a blinded world, telling us to follow a “normal” pattern of events (which mostly lead to a dead end). Yet until now, even the people of the free are trying to grasp their true identities. I myself is in progress to know who I really am. But God, in our quest to know who we are, show us little by little. And with this, we are surprised with the truth He shows us day by day.

Yet, I can hear people in the dying plain tell me to use lucky charms to find “the one”. The people in the world of freedom use the Word of God to fight with “the Victorious One”.

The people in the dying plain tell me to fall out of love and catch the guy I like. The people in the world of freedom encourage me to fall into His steadfast love and be caught in His everlasting faithfulness.

The people in the dying plain do not walk in wisdom. The people in the world of freedom walk in freedom and light.

But this is not a reason for me to hate the people in the dying plain.

The Lord has longed for the people of the world of freedom go out and give life to the people in the dying plain. Their perspective is never the same as mine, unless they encounter the heart of God whose love is beyond human passion. Most of the time, I wish to stay in the church for the rest of my life. But what use is my light if I don’t go out into the dark world to guide the people of the dying plain. Besides, it’s not me who gives out this light, but it is the Lord who radiates through me.

Most of the time, I am afraid; I fear the mob that will fixate on me. But what reason should I fear? Don’t I have a great God who will defend me?

I am on training. Yes, I’m no mighty preacher or any famous televangelist. That’s why in this season, the Lord tells me to rest in His presence that is in everywhere I go.

Yes, His presence is not only in the world of freedom. His presence is also in the dying plain. All I have to do is let go of my anxieties, open my eyes, and see Him set the captives free.

A New Season After the Rebirth

82 or 28? Age doesn't matter. As long as you're loved and you love, that's more than enough :)

82 or 28? Age doesn’t matter. As long as you’re loved and you love, that’s more than enough 🙂

I’m now 28…and excited for the new season in my life.

A lot of people would tell me that I’ve arrived in the marrying age. In this era of instant attraction and microwave relationships, to find someone like me is alien. But I wouldn’t mind. I don’t want to go with the world’s standards. I want to claim my inheritance only found in my Father’s heart.

And my birthday is unlike any other…I spent it alone with my beloved Bridegroom God.

Days ahead, I was very excited. I sensed that this is a new season for me (not minding my age). I kept on nudging God to surprise me. And He did. But it was not as expected.

First, He surprised me with greetings, a day before my actual birth date. Receiving heartfelt greetings is more than receiving a thousand gifts to me (especially when I received text messages and calls from friends on my very birthday). Let me tell you, to be loved is more than gaining the whole earth. That’s why I was even more excited by then.

Next, the Lord brought me to a sanctuary I’ve never been. Unlike in the other prayer mountains I usually go up with friends, I ventured out to this new place — alone. Now, that’s an adventure. I believe it was a prophetic gesture…it’s like declaring that I’m ready to go to this new season that I’ve never been before.

Save for the caretaker (who became my instant friend), I had the whole Prayer House to myself. Now, this is a treat. I can scream and sing at the top of my lungs to the Lord with Habakkuk, my guitar. But that was not the case. I guess for about 63 percent of my stay, I slept.

Ok, so this is a sleeping date, Lord. I wondered why.

Then, I received my ultimate surprise.

I asked for a Word. Scanning in Exodus to look for Moses prayer to asking the Lord to show him His glory, I was led to Exodus 33:13, “If you are pleased with me, teach me your ways so I may know you and continue to find favor with you…”

Cool prayer! I thought to myself. I did pray it, and just as the Lord had answered Moses in verse 14, I believe He gave me the same answer.

“My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”

The rest of the words in the page became blurred. This one was the shout out in this season. As I reviewed the prayers and the prophecies given to me at the beginning of 2013, the main word was “REST”.

And from the pain, the toil, the struggles I had in the latter part of 2012, the birth pains have ended. I am now in a season of resting in His presence. The conception has been done. I am reborn.

From learning from Romans 5:3-5 (and praying it), I’m now given Exodus 33;13-14 as the word for this season. I believe the Lord wants to teach me to completely abide in Him. To rest also means to abide and to trust in His presence which will stay with me as I walk into a room, or as I stay in my beat, or go to a violent rally, or at the toils of my job. It’s a promise at the same time, and such is the loving promise He gave me that I have to be willing to have my heart and character refined in this time of rest.

I believe this resting period is a preparation to greater things He is preparing for me. I believe this is a short season before I step out of the boat and walk on water.

Such is my surprise. Now, call me alien. The things I’ve received is not as tangible as this physical world but these are more than enough for me. Should I be scared in the coming days? I should never be. The coming days are unsure but I’d rather face it with anticipation for I have received a promise that is more than silver and gold. I’m also very glad to know how much I am loved. To have love from others and to give away love is more fulfilling than gaining fame and power.

Surprise me more, Lord. 🙂

A Look Back at My 2012

After all that grueling news yearender that we’ve done for our news, it’s time that I take a breather and reflect at my 2012. It has been an exciting year, not only in my beat, but also in my seasons.

Unforgettable coverages: 

Now, most of these I did not include in my blogs. Since they are memorable to me, I’ll share some of my experiences in these covereges in bits and pieces 😀

Jeremy Renner while waiting for President Aquino at "The Bourne Legacy" Courtesy Call in Malacanang last February 22, 2012

Jeremy Renner while waiting for President Aquino at “The Bourne Legacy” Courtesy Call in Malacanang last February 22, 2012

“The Bourne Legacy” in the palace: Yes, Jeremy Renner and some of the film’s executive producers made that courtesy call with the president after their Manila film shooting that lasted for more or less a month. As a protocol, Renner has to wear barong and yet matched it with light brown cargo pants (which was not much obvious). It was a short meeting, just like any other courtesy calls with the president, and he and his team immediately left as the president has to attend to other matters.

Sec. Jesse Robredo's remains carried into the Kalayaan Grounds in Malacanang on August 24, 2012

Sec. Jesse Robredo’s remains carried into the Kalayaan Grounds in Malacanang on August 24, 2012

 Sec. Robredo’s death: Just like the rest of the nation, I was dismayed at the death of such a humble public servant. I’m always comfortable meeting him personally, as he would take time to talk with mediamen without intimidation. At the day the piper seneca he rode crashed into Masbate waters, I hoped along with thousands that he and his missing companions would miraculously be retrieved alive. But two days later, the miracle did not happen.

As an honor to this humble-mayor-turned-cabinet-secretary, the palace grounds let his remains stay for two days at the Kalayaan Hall. Wakes in Malacanang Palace are only given to men of honor.

In honor of this man who served the nation humbly, I will not erase his number from my phone…just please don’t text back, sir…

Children playing at the flooded Recto Underpass. Taken on August 9, 2012

Children playing at the flooded Recto Underpass. Taken on August 9, 2012

Post-habagat monitoring: Once again, Manila was devastated not because of floods, but because of a phenomenon called “habagat” or monsoon rains. After intense raining for days, it flooded much of Luzon, mostly the National Capital Region (NCR). Because it was no typhoon, it was nicknamed as “Habagat”. The incident was said to be a replay of Typhoon Ondoy. Upon interviewing one local government unit (LGU) leader, they remarked that the damages were a bit lesser than that of Ondoy’s. He told me how they learned to be prepared for such a flooding after Ondoy damaged much of NCR last 2009.

We thought that such a tragedy ended here…until this November, Typhoon Pablo came and greatly damaged much of Mindanao and some parts of the Visayas area. President Aquino, though he did not blame our weather system for not giving the exact location of typhoons (as it is understood that such weather disturbances are unpredictable), hoped that we’ll learn from these tragedies until a zero-casualty is reached when another typhoon comes. Until now, let’s pray for the continuous recovery of the residents there who

Dolphy's final resting place before his remains were brought here. He was laid to rest July 15, 2012

Dolphy’s final resting place before his remains were brought here. He was laid to rest July 15, 2012

were greatly affected.

Dolphy’s Passing: As one who grew up in Dolphy films and antics, I’ve loved the man. Well, not as one of his ladies, but as one of his admirers. Although I was not an exact ardent fan of his, I gave him a hats off when he gave the curtain call at his burial. But what amazed me was how Pinoys in a number of generations were emotionally moved with the passing of one man, who had influenced so much of our consciousness though they don’t know him personally.

Queen Sophia of Spain, upon her visit to the Escuala Taller in Intramuros, July 3, 2012

Queen Sophia of Spain, upon her visit to the Escuala Taller in Intramuros, July 3, 2012

State visits of Foreign Dignities: President Aquino have had a number of visits from foreign dignities this year — for the administration, this is a sign of increased trust from our foreign partners. One of those I’ve missed was the visit of Thai Prime Minister Yingluck Shinawatra. I was looking forward to see her personally but couldn’t because I had a scheduled leave. My most unforgettable was that of Queen Sophia of Spain. Though she had been here in the Philippines a number of times, it was in one of her photo opportunities that I almost had been up-close and personal with her…yes, believe me, I was awestruck with her because she was a real queen.

Last Days of the Corona Impeachment Trial: From it’s prologue up to its epilogue, I did not dare to miss the Corona chronicles…much more the emotional heights at the Supreme Court. I was really convinced of the strong support he garnered from the SC people as they’ve staged a number of masses and interfaith

Former CJ Renato Corona with some of the religious representatives at the interfaith prayer rally on May 22, 2012

Former CJ Renato Corona with some of the religious representatives at the interfaith prayer rally on May 22, 2012

Corona supporters don in red at the interfaith prayer rally at SC Compound last  May 22, 2012

Corona supporters don in red at the interfaith prayer rally at SC Compound last May 22, 2012

prayer movements for the former chief justice who was accused of misdeclaration of SALN and other cases. When the “guilty” verdict was given by a vote of 20-3 in the senate last May, the whole rukus in the SC seem to die out suddenly. I wondered how these same people who backed-up the former CJ now looks at its new CJ, Ma. Lourdes Sereno.

West Philippine Sea: Much of my stories this year focused on the drama over the West Philippine Sea. I’ve never missed out a beat when talks of the disputed islands would be raised in the palace briefings. From the height of the standoff at Scarborough Shoal to its continuous diplomatic moves, they filled much of my paperwork. This segment was one of the most detailed in my news yearender. But beside the transparency this administration gives on this issue, still this is a very sensitive topic. It revolves around differences of territorial principles, arguments for the inclusion of international laws are being raised. Though this has been raised in ASEAN summits, even by President Aquino himself, solving the dispute is never easy, for a country’s difference in law and culture can never be easily construed into a polished solution.

So much for national issues. With these, I’ve only realized for now how my year had been an exciting one. Now, let’s turn to personal issues.

My Life’s Minor Look Back Portion:

I cannot detail some of my own grueling emotions, disappointments, pains, and questionings. These I keep in my own personal itinerary. But here’s my word for the season, since last year:

Romans 5:3-5 (ESV), “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

Only lately, have I received revelation that these rejoicings is to worship the Lord and be joyful because of my fullness in Him. I am His daughter and I have nothing to worry, for He has blessed me much. Because of Jesus’ blood, I am set free and I have eternal life! I have nothing on earth to fret on, for this is just temporary…why should I complain?

I saw my weaknesses. There are many of them. Yes, the Lord is teaching me to worship but I did not heed Him. I warred with the world in my own terms. I rebelled deeply against authority. I countered attacks of “smallness” in a way that does not glorify my Father. Yet, I did not know He was already teaching me that I should never complain, but rejoice in Him. It took me to turn this verse into a prayer…and such is the power of His Word when as a prayer, it turned out to be a rhema into my life.

From my perspective to the “smallness”, it was shifted to the rejoicing of my Father’s greatness. And yet, He needs to refine more of my character, I need to learn so much more.

Declaration for next year:

With this look back, I’ll join it with an expectation of looking forward.

I declare new things, new life, new season, new borders and territories, and new breakthroughs in my life and the path where the Lord is leading me. I expect that more fire and testing will come into my life, but just like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego I will stand in it strong with the Lord. And when I come out of the fire, the glory of the Lord will shine through me, and my character will be like His. 🙂

I continually pursue my dreams. I claim the nations! My true identity is revealed to me. I will not go on wandering anymore, for I will have found my purpose, destiny, identity and revelation in Christ who continually changes me. I declare I will continually die to myself, I will continually lay down and not rebel, I will sow the culture of love and honor in this secular society and reap righteousness for His Kingdom.

With this 2013, I am ready to face new challenges. Because the Lord is my light, my salvation, my refuge and my strength, I shall not be put to shame! 😀

Let’s go, fellow sojourners! A blessed, prosperous New Year to everyone! 😀

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