Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Posts tagged ‘pride’

Acting Like A Queen

“Hegai liked Esther and she won his favor. He lost no time in beginning her beauty treatment of massage and special diet. He gave her the best place in the harem and assigned seven young women specially chosen from the royal palace to serve her.”

Esther 2:9

I’ve always felt a dislike towards rich or powerful people. They seem snobbish towards the poor and the disadvantaged. But what I don’t realise is sometimes their regality is a reflection of their true identity that is honorable and pure.

Esther must have been regal in every way, the reason she was chosen to be the Queen of Persia. The six-month treatment given to her seemed to have spoiled her well. But it’s not meant to spoil her. It was meant to mold her into what she was meant to be.

I have been battling with an orphan mindset for a long time. (Maybe that’s why I love to recite the line, “Alms, alms…spare me a piece of bread” with wide, teary Puss In Boots eyes when I was in high school…nah.) But really, I’m 31 but I would move around like a sorry little girl by thinking I should not become better than others. I have always thought I’d offend people when I do. And this what hinders me to my calling.

I believe I have been called to be a leader since I was a kid. I have been placed as a leader in school projects but would not fare well, I believe. Others would see a leadership potential in me that I could hardly see. But I’d always shy away…

But no matter how I run away from the call, it always follow me. There are times I’d do well as an elder, an ate, a leader. But at the back of my mind, I’d tell myself I can’t do this…it’s because I’m afraid of failing.

But Esther, an orphan, did not act like one. Instead, she stood out among others by going beyond the notch. Before she became one, she already acted as a queen and already had the heart of a queen. Besides that, she dislodges all notion that all powerful and rich leaders are aloof and distant to commoners as she saves her Jewish people from being destroyed under Haman’s plan.

Romans 8:17 says, “Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”

So being a co-heir is like being adopted into the family of God! Because we accept Jesus into our lives, we share in His inheritance, the glory and yes, even sufferings. But I believe these sufferings are not meant to punish us but they are to refine us, knowing that Jesus Himself has carried the punishment meant for us on the cross. 

I need to act as one who is in authority, just like Jesus. I should not stalk around like a little orphaned girl asking for alms while the Father is willing to give the best for me. I need grace – extra, extra grace to get out of the wounds of the past and break off from the pride of the pity party in order to take the crown and overcome in love and boldness. May I become totally free, so as not to be hindered from what I am being called for.

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Perfection From Imperfection

Imperfection irritates most of us. I’m sure, all of us have come to a point wondering why we’re imperfect, wishing we got the qualities that others have. But I believe there is a purpose to our imperfection.

It has been said that there are dangers to being perfect. It can make us arrogant, as if don’t need God and man. I’m sure you’d expect me to say that we are made imperfect so we would depend on God. Yes, that’s true. But more than that, I believe that in our imperfection, we are also taught to love others, as well.

I learned this in our prayer group, whom I always stay with every weekends. It’s not a perfect group, each of us have qualities that the other wouldn’t like. There are times that we would be offended to one another. But together we grew, and through each other, there are some qualities in our characters that have been sharpened or filled. When one needs help, like a prayer request or advice, the other would share a piece of wisdom that may be of help. Sometimes, a constructive criticism or rebuke can awaken us from flaws that we have. A word of encouragement brightens a part of ourselves that could be wearied. It’s like that some of us have a missing puzzle piece that only that other can fill.

I have heard of church fights and church splits so many times and the reason that I could hear is due to out of offense of their leaders or other churchmates. There are no perfect churches. Each of us is a broken jar. When we cast aside our bitterness and pride, we can see the value of each other and help mending the character of each other. Though we may be right at one point and the party that offended us are wrong, rebellion is a sign of pride. Instead of reacting in bitterness, why not pray for that person’s welfare? I believe, each of us needs to be covered in prayer, and it can uphold the character of the person we pray for and molds us to love others dispite of the offense done to us.

Never question God why we are made imperfect. In everything, there is a reason that only He understands. In time, we will know how this imperfection molds us to become better in love, humility, and righteousness.

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Arms Open Wide

I stopped and looked at her eyes,
Inching towards my direction
Like colorless glass in the shining sun
They tried to animate above the dark circles

She smiled with that lifeless smile
Forced out of her dire humanity
Her face sagging in soot and smoke
Her cheeks covered in her burnt-colored hair

Knocking at the car window so secure,
She hoped for a coin to live for a day,
I looked away beyond the foggy air,
Waiting for her to forget my I am in this ride

When she vanished by my car,
I turned to see a horrible sight
My reflection dying in painful pride
Of not accepting the needy with arms open wide

Keeping an Eye at the Source

My mom, holding a bunch of apple mangoes from our backyard three summers ago

My mom is an everlasting giver. I don’t know how she obtained that spirit of generosity despite of the hardships she had gone through in her younger days. A retired teacher herself, she was a good disciplinarian in class and a good friend to her students at dismissal. But what she is best known for in our little town is her heart to pray. However, this impression had made others loose their sight in the Source of healing and deliverance.

For a number of times, her closest friends would come up to her and request to pray on certain events. This she would not turn back – but not at all times. There are a few moments when she had to arrange a few things, hence she can’t be available at a certain moment. The funny thing is, some of them prefer her to pray for them over a leader or even a pastor. But isn’t God not looking at the person’s heart and not the kind of person who prays? She would only sigh, trying to remind them to look at the Lord, and not at the person.

In our culture, most of us can’t divorce what we see to what is the truth. It’s like Samuel, who first thought that Jesse’s first born was the capable king. Surprisingly, it was the rugged youth named David who was chosen to stand in places of authority. We tend to look at the medium, but not at the Source. As we do not exercise our intimacy with the One true Source of Creation, we loose sight of who He is, and depend our faith on those whose hearts are close to His. But God does not only want the heroes of faith to be the only ones close to His heart. He wanted everyone to know Him more. But it would take a lot of us to struggle and contend for His intimacy as He is filled with holiness. Intimacy with Him requires us to be stripped of our pride and doubts. Yet, doing so will hurt us so it’s hard for us to go for it.

And even my mom, an arbiter of love and faith in our home, still struggle for it. “I’m old”, she would say, “and times have already hardened my perspective”. But God blesses her for seeking Him especially in the morning, when the sun has not shined in. What she does not know was that God is seeking for more of our inner being, not that He still does not know us well, but because He wants us to be fully His.

I pray everyone in our small neighborhood turn back to the Source of love. When that time comes, there wouldn’t be a problem for prayer requests. 🙂

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