Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Posts tagged ‘path’

Pressured To Marry

She’s nice. She’s cheeky. She’s bubbly. She’s your typical story-filled housewife who got some good cooking. Until she blurts out. “What a beautiful girl! Does she already have a husband?”

Ok. I’ve encountered this question a hundred times. This time, she was asking my mom while she was eyeing me whose head to toe is donned in my favorite yellow, flowered dress. “No.” My mom replied as a matter-of-factly.

“That can’t be,” she gasped, just like any typical gossip-obsessed housewife. It came with that typical warning that never failed my irate eyebrow rocket towards my hairline, “You’ll grow old a spinster. You should have children.”

With that sympathizing look, she made me look like another human casualty in the evolution of genetics. Fine.

If I would point out my argument in the middle of that dusty, rural street she would never understand. Just like hundreds of married people who have asked me that same question.

I just couldn’t understand why they have to pressure me with that farcical question.

Our Asian culture dictates women to marry at a young age. Women at their thirties are considered too old to marry, more so get a boyfriend (I’m sure I’d be fatally labelled a “leftover woman” in China). As time and culture evolves, women are becoming more empowered, independent and are given more choices to challenge themselves outside the confinement of motherhood.

I am one of those women who have chosen that path.

Of course, that does not mean I don’t want to marry. I would like to fall in love and be loved. I would like to see myself wearing a wedding gown and kiss the man who is destined to be The One. But I am not in a hurry. Why should I marry if I am not in love and no one’s in love with me?

Just like many modern women today, we are given a wide range of choices and paths to take. Be the CEO of a prestigious company. Go into extreme sports and adventure. Explore the Mariana Trench. Manage fifty lucrative businesses. Achieve the Air Force with flying colors. Claim the Miss Universe crown. Win a presidential race. Save the world.

This is the viewpoint of women (and even men) who live and work in the metropolis. But not those who live in the rural life.

I would honestly never forget my chagrin when a member of the Badjao community had told me I should get married so I can have kids who would bury me when I die. Girls as young as 13 are marriageable to this group of people while 18-year old ladies are considered a spinster among them. I could not believe the limited perspective these people have nurtured throughout generations. 

This line of thinking is almost similar to the people living in my community. Partly rural and partly urbanized, most residents living here are below middle-income earners. Some were not finished in schooling. Basically, their choices are limited, as well as their resources. This leads them to the pattern of living-eating-marrying-working-have kids-die.

Ok, it does not mean one dies immediately after giving birth. But my point is most of them believe this is the same pattern everyone should go through. And every women should marry in the age history had dictated on man.

Or maybe, the age that our ancestors have dictated on man.

“Thirty! You’re too old to get married.” Rolls eyes.

“I’m married at 18 but I’m happy.” That’s your happiness, not mine.

“Would you like me to recommend somebody?” Shows me a picture. Throws up in the trash bin.

“You should marrying –” Shhhhh!! I don’t have a boyfriend! You mean I’d marry my toenail?!?!

I have sighed endless of times at those sickening questions. Gentle warning, some would say. But for me it’s the gripping reality on how limited a cultural perspective could be. 

I am not in a hurry to get married. I don’t worry about not having children. Too many marriages are broken because they have served their own selfish urges or followed the dictation of society without testing it through wind and fire. Marriage comes with careful consideration, prayer, commitment, and refinement. 

No one could ever understand when one is different among them. A single lady living among married contemporaries is as odd as the house of the Mad Hatter standing among the same tattered houses. Society dictates us to go through the same path they have gone through. They call it normal. I call it boring.

One’s destiny should not be dictated by the majority who knows no other way out of the box. Our age and status is not the basis of our purpose in life. Man’s judgement is not the fulfillment of things. No one has the right to taint the purity of our choices as only we ourselves can understand why we have chosen this path that’s different from them. Only God knows the best for us and society can never grasp that for our sake.

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The Forked Road

My 2015 has been a season of risks. I have been in the middle of two roads for time and a time, tasting the air for directions. When once I thought that the road I have chosen will go on as a single path, it ends up in another forked road which I have to decide again at the beginning of 2016.

I have chosen the former path because I had soured upon the old path of conformity. I had desired new learning and prestige in another field. Somehow my prayers were answered. But as I consumed these past few months full of tears and struggle, I need to weigh again God’s real plan for my life. Was this His actual will or just His permissive will? I had to decide. Perhaps, I am called to another path I have been running away…and turn there.

Still, from this strange path that I have taken I will carry lessons and changes that has greater purposes at their ripened time. Wherever I go and whatever road I choose, I shall remember never to give up, to keep on running the race, and do everything for God’s glory despite of suffering.

At the end of every forked road I face, the dawn arises. Whether I choose one or another, I know that I shall find hope along the way for my trust is upon the Lord, who never let’s go of my hand as I walk in this path of life.

Destiny Seeker

There are really such times that I am tired with my own world. I’m tired with some of the people around me. I’m tired of the demands asked of me. I’m tired of living under a purpose not my own. I’m tired of the mundane routines that cause me to drag my feet to work. I’m tired of waiting for the great destiny set aside for me. But then, I would think again…perhaps, I am just too excited to see the prophecies foretold come into material in the wrong time.

When I was in grade school, I believed I had to achieve everything before I become 30 years old. I should be famous, I should have a book published, and I should be a well-achieved woman by then. Going beyond that age would mean I would have no more chances of becoming well-known at least once in my life – nor my name being etched in history.

But things get different as I aged. And yet, the Lord had shown me in different ways how He wanted me to be in His time. No, it’s not getting famous. Actually, I think these roles are downright unacknowledged in society at all. So, I kept all these things in my prophecy shelf. But because of my personality as a sanguine, I tried to wait though. However, I couldn’t connect the dots on how these things will happen in my lifetime. God had foreseen it and was already there before me. It’s just up to me to continue running and struggling to get there. It’s up to me to push harder the mountains that try to hinder me from getting there.

And yes, these mountains brought along little bugs that tell me to give up. Give up where I am now and take a dangerous short-cut to my destiny. But, oh Lord, do not let me listen to them. I must admit, I’m ready with my resignation letter. I’m in this road called lost. But, I’m also seeking the Lord. I really want to know His heart and where He wants me to be at this point of time. Should I jump the cliff or stay on the edge for the moment? I have to know…

I will never forget how the Lord spoke through a friend last time that I am shaken first to be a voice to the shaken. All these shakings made me hurt and offended. Oh, man, if I can just be emotionless just like Little Wonder or be your everyday hero just like Wonderwoman. But God is not looking for heroes or robots. He’s looking for real-life flesh and blood who will be filled by His Spirit during those upcoming great and terrible times. Can I fast forward my tape to that point in eternity? Nope. I have to go through the normal playing mode and see how His story in me will go.

The question is not: to go or not to go? But it should be to hear or not to hear. I’m ready to burst, really. But I’m also ready to listen. Which way should I go? I’m ready to take that step…to that path that I should take towards that destiny He has set for me.

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