Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Posts tagged ‘partner’

Why Am I Single (and Enjoying Every Minute Of It)?

“How old are you, Rhema?” A question I’ve always been asked in this time of my life.

To which I’d grin and reply, “I wish I can say I’m seventeen…”

Then I’d pause and watch them react with laughter, “C’mon,” they’d say, “how really old are you?”

With a sigh, I’d reply after my sheepish wince, “Well, I’m actually almost twenty-eight.”

Wide eyes and gasps follow, “Then, you should get married!”

I’m not greatly offended with such replies. It just bothers me how this society have stuck to the idea of getting married before thirty — some of them seemingly threatening me by reminding that my biological clock is running out of season.

By the way, I belong to the NBSB club — No Boyfriend Since Birth.

One might ask me, “Why don’t you have a boyfriend — not even once yet in your life?” When I give them my answer, most wouldn’t understand it. I’m not your conventional woman. To get into a relationship is a crucial matter…and every decision affects one’s destiny greatly.

Marriage is such a crucial matter that it does not only affect one’s inner circle but every aspect that you have known and lived from the beginning of life. To meet the one made for me and the one whom I am made for is not easy. It requires discernment. It requires confirmation. How should I know? The heart is deceitful. Yet when it surrender to the Lord and it is soaked in prayer, the Lord will reveal it…and I’m not sure how because I still don’t know. Having a boyfriend/fiance is a step towards marriage, so as for the moment, let me enjoy this gift of singleness.

I believe this is not yet my season of marriage. Age should not define the most crucial decisions in life. I have crushes, yes I do…but the Lord is teaching me that I am not worth for the second best. I am a highly emotional being. Attraction is a natural thing for me as anybody has. But I have to be careful so as not to have a broken heart and a broken life.

I believe that we are all meant for a special someone — well, not unless one has the gift of single blessedness. I do believe in match made in heaven — no, it should be the match made by the Father in heaven. For my bros and sis, let me remind you of almost every Christian youth’s fave verse, Jeremiah 29:11, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” From the beginning of time, the Lord has written down our life story, from the moment we were conceived up to the moment our time on this earth is up (Jeremiah 1:5). Including that is our “love story”. From the start, He only wants the best for us which only He knows. The one we are created for is one of His best for us.

In fact, this singleness is something that I should enjoy. Don’t you smell freedom, my fellow single friends? 😀 This is the time to explore people and friends. This is the time when dates are purely friendly dates and we can have all the time to ourselves. This is the time we seek our destiny like treasure hunting. Like a little kid, I’d always ask the Lord what He really wants for me and what He wants me to be. He lets me discover so much of myself, my friends, the world, and most importantly His heart. By this, I would learn and know where should I really go and what’s my mission in this life.

Also, this is the time when the Lord is refining me to the fullest. To get into marriage is to get into greater responsibility. I am not yet prepared for such a responsibility. Not that I reject it, but it is important that I must learn how to handle it well. In marriage, I will share to my future husband every aspect of my life as he will do the same for me. To our future children, we’ll both will have to share and give so much of ourselves to see them grow well. It requires a character that is after God’s own heart — the character of a good parent who wishes to give the best to their children. I would need the character of Jesus — a partner who will not be self-centered and who will love unconditionally. But in order to be like the Lord, I have to die to myself. And as I can see myself, I have so much to die from myself yet.

And by the way, it hasn’t been revealed to me if I’m meant for someone or if I’m meant to be single forever. Haha! The beauty of single-blessedness. If so, that means the Lord has plans for my life in which marriage will not fit in. Now, this reality scares my mom off as any parent would sure do. Most of our parents think that being married makes us well-off for the rest of our lives. When I asked her what if I have the gift of single-blessedness, she couldn’t answer me. But one thing’s for sure: it is the Lord who will sustain me and take care of me. His love will surely satisfy and strengthen me forever and a day. ❤

For a number of times, I’ve almost fallen victim to fatal attraction. But my Great Dad knows how to protect His Lovely Little Princess 🙂 In fact, He always remind me that the love of the Bridegroom Prince — that is Jesus — is faithful, pure, satisfying and forever. Now, what can I ask for? Yet, I’m sure you can relate with my distresses during waiting periods, as any young person would. But great is the blessing of waiting. Let me, and every single person, enjoy such a season; thus we receive the best that is from our Father in His precious and perfect timing. 😉

Advertisements

Habakkuk’s Empty Strings

It has been almost three years. But I did not know him until now.

Habakkuk's Empty Strings

Habakkuk has been a faithful friend to me. Actually, he has been my baby by the time I bought him. My first guitar, I bought him days before I resigned from my first job. All I wanted was to learn how to play a guitar, know a few worship songs that I can sing during my quiet times, and know how to play at least one instrument in my entire life (for I was not too successful in the violin and in the keyboards).

Just recently, one of his strings broke. Playing with one string missing sounds odd, especially now that I have been asked to play at two Christmas parties at Malacaňang. This time, I realized that I should pursue this hidden passion in music (and once-denied talent), not to impress anyone but to take care of this skill given to me.

Three years later, I’m still a beginner.

But this time, I’m determined to learn and know a few tips. I kept on asking questions from a friend whose father is a guitar virtuoso (and hope to meet and learn from him myself). I kept on watching tutorial videos this past week to learn and try to adopt new playing styles. I’ll never be perfect though, but it’s good to accelerate from where I am now.

I was determined to buy new strings and a capo, as well. Imagine, three years and it is only now when I realize I have to change a lot from Habakkuk. And it’s only now I realized how my baby needs some make-over and a clean-up.

Yes, you read it right — a clean-up. Poor baby…I’m so sorry.

While changing his strings and wiping dust off the fingerboard, I realized how I neglected him even though I’ve been bringing him out most of the time. I saw his bruises and his tarnishes, and I felt foolish how I called him “my baby” without really caring much about him. It took me so much time to realize how to remove the old strings from these pegs (which took me hours to discover how to remove them and bring them back) and wasted so much time from removing the tiny balls from the old strings (because I thought that they should be used by the new ones :-O ).

Ah yes, today was a major trial and error moment. Though I lost much time, I felt fulfilled when the new strings were in place.

This is another lesson of good stewardship. We don’t buy things to fill up our houses. We buy them because they are made with a purpose in our lives.

When I was looking for another guitar last Friday, my friend told me that I should not only check everything from it but feel from it. It’s a weird concept, as she added that things also “feel” their masters. It’s like looking for a life-partner — one has to make sure that that guitar is “meant for you”.

I guess she’s right. There are things that are “meant for us”.

I’ve heard of friends who prayed for the things they’re buying. I thought it was totally awkward, but when they gain wisdom from the Lord to buy it or not, they find a blessing of not wasting their money over the “second best” of their choices. Even in gaining things, one should never be impulsive…being a spoiled brat over materialism can never give us any gain; only added trash in our houses and our lives.

And as Habakkuk rests on my bed with the new strings in place, I wonder if he was complained at all. I felt that we are both rugged kids trying to stick together for a reason. He loved me anyway, for he did not break away from despair of not being cleaned at all. Besides, we have tagged along each other during intercession nights. He sang along with me most of the time. We had some little adventures at times. I wonder if he has been tired when tucked away in the dark for days…or even weeks.

I know, it’s weird. It’s like how my friend can love her pet dog, or how a guy can love his car by investing so much from it. Loving something can cause one to invest time and money to bring out the best from it. Now, little by little, I realized how I need to invest new things not only for my dear Habakkuk but also for this gift and skill in music. By this way, I do not waste what was lent to me and I will sow to make it grow, making sure that it will not be a waste.

As I take care of Habakkuk, it’s also taking value to the One who gave him to me. I remember how I had been joyful when I brought Habakkuk home, being thankful that even with a small salary, I was blessed to have him. Indeed, it is the Lord who gives all our heart’s desire. Taking care of Habakkuk is my way of thanking the Lord who has given him to me. Only now I realized that Habakkuk, before he was mine, had been my prayer and my heart’s desire. 🙂

Tag Cloud