Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Posts tagged ‘palace’

Sustaining My Passion

The media world is a harsh realm. Ever since I started covering in the senate, I felt a sense of strong competition among different media personnel compared to that in the palace. I am used to the teamwork in the palace press people and so I am appalled by the reality that the media world offers for the sake of popularity and ratings in the outside world.

And so I experienced a belittling of my own entity.

During the first days, I felt desperate. But I had no intention of complaining. Although it’s fun to be with the people in the same feathers called our team, going around looking for ambush interviews were a shock for me. But I had soon beginning to gain a few friends outside our team, mostly young reporters.

But the biggest test was my character check. And it is in here that refinement is beginning to take place.

Naturally, I’m a bit shy…and childish, in fact. I always smile, thanks to my happy-go-lucky character. But the world states that one has to be harsh to win the top. But I don’t intend to be overly popular on TV. I don’t intend to bag awards or win public approval. I am just doing my job. However, this world is trying to put you into compromise.

But only by God’s grace that I survive without seeking fame.

Focusing on the “glitter” of this world is nothing compared to yearning for the love of a God I’ve never seen physically. And yes, how I yearn for Him and want His fellowship. I’ve experienced sinking deep into His presence before but that is not enough. I want more of Him. Thinking that this world will just pull me away from His love, I decided to stay in the church. But that was not His plan.

Outside the church, majority of the world’s entities has no pastor or church worker to touch the unsaved. I remember how desperate I was when I went into “secular” work, but my mother would tell me that I have a reason being there…since no pastor can get in there, who can reach those who had not known the Lord?

I’m no preacher. And I’m not as “great” as Cindy Jacobs or Chuch Pierce and yet I am a part of His puzzle for His Kingdom. I believe the Lord is sending out His children into the remotest part of the urban jungle in order to be a voice to those who have not heard and be a living testimony of His love.

How should I sustain this? I need hunger and thirst. I need passion to lift His Name and embrace His love and give it away. It can never happen should His presence not stay with me and fill me more. I need You, God! And this world needs You!

Little by little or perhaps by one sudden move, the earth will be filled with the knowledge and the glory of Him. And yes, the senate, the palace and the whole nation will be a different place. More of you God…do not only sustain me with You presence…make me sink in You more!

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Balancing the Scales: CJ Under Trial (Part 2)

Caption of this poster says: Hindi ako kulay dilaw. Hindi ako kulay bughaw. Hindi ako kahel. Hindi ako kulay puti. Hindi ako kulay luntian...Filipino ako, Ito ang kulay ko.

Now, who’s really saying the truth? When you go and listen to both sides, you tend to think more (which is a healthy practice). After dwelling in the executive branch’s side, it’s high time to turn the other ear to the judiciary.

Being in both the SC and Palace made me see both sides, but it was yesterday that made me almost convinced to go on Corona’s side: thanks to the crowd who had passionately expressed their support. I don’t know what prompts them, maybe CJ was really a good man. Yet, I don’t want to judge quickly. Perhaps they’re right or perhaps they think they’re right. But only the Lord knows what’s really behind…or in their hearts. All I could remember was that it was another momentous event in history…and we were there to see it.

Statue of first CJ Cayetano Arellano covered in black cloth...

 

Even Jose Abad Santos' statue was veiled in black...the former CJs in Black!

 

Crowd cheers when CJ comes out of the SC lobby with his wife, Cristina. Both attended the send off mass before going to Senate for the impeachment trial

 

The judicial couple now faces their supporters before CJ makes another momentous speech

Breaking My Palace Walls

It’s natural to be afraid of many things. Until now in my 26 years of existence, I’m still battling with a number of fears that try to coincide with my self-confidence.

It’s hard to fight fears. For most of the time, I love laying on my perfumed couch in my little ivory palace of complacency. Outside my palace walls is a whole new world of wonder that I’ve never seen. But there are no doors or windows. The only way to break out is to break the walls. But I’d hesitate because I have to ruin that expensive, beautiful facade.

Many think I’m not afraid of anything because I smile a lot. But deep inside, I cry when you tell me about being bold enough yielding my rights.

I need to yield my right to be offended.

I need to yield my right for worldly applause.

I need to yield my right to please everybody.

I need to give up being so selfish for complacency.

I wanted to cry at times because I can’t give up those rights. I want to, but I’m scared. I’m so afraid of hearing criticisms or taunts. I’m not made for man, but I’m afraid of man.

Lord, bring me out of this.

I hate this cycle. For once again, the Lord is revealing some bumps in me in this new season. I’m not a perfect lady, anyway. But I hate it when I see myself not really that perfect. In order to be refined, I have to give up what I’ve been embracing for so long.

While I break those ivory walls, my heart goes down with brokenness. But I have to. It’s now or never. If I don’t do this, I’ll suffocate. Break me out of my fears or I’ll die!

Hence, I’m yet to see the whole new world outside…

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