Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Posts tagged ‘obsession’

Deleting 2048

And so I deleted it at once. No more obsession. No more frustration.

It took me about four or three days of having so much of my time wasted by playing 2048. I’m not a fan of math or of games, but this one kept me hooked. Maybe because I had a knack for mind games.

This game looks simple at first. But to be able to match the same number tiles to complete the 2048 number, it becomes complex. More tiles add up to fill space every time these are moved to add up the 2s, 4s, 8s, and so forth. So far, the biggest number I was able to reach was 512. Then, game over.

Who says game over? Try again.

And again. And again. And again. And again!!

I’ve noticed myself how I spent so much of my time playing it. It was supposed to kill waiting time, but it became an obsessive challenge. This is the reason I shun off any other games before it. I have to make sure I win. And win!!

But it wasn’t healthy. I was supposed to do even more essential matters. But I’d play this game while waiting and ending up not doing the other important matter. Hay…so much for killing time.

So, I said goodbye to 2048 even if I had never completed the perfect tile. I had to shun off my analytical thinking on this number game for a while. Well, maybe not for a while…

But the moment it was gone from my phone, I was remorse for a while. i just consoled myself with the fact that there are more victories in life more worth getting than 2048. ­čÖé


The Pen Into Your Heart

There is a rising madness from within
Walls enclosing, silence prevailing
I see a window but you see a hole
The rest see nothing but an empty casing
My key is my pen and my door is my paper
Through them I see you, my beloved, the one
But when the last line has been penned by the last drop
You run away secretly
Breaking my heart in this madness


I write instead of pinning myself away this long vacation. As the Holy Week wanders away, I try to buy my time by being with my pen (er, laptop) and my paper (I mean, broadband). I missed writing, as well as the vision┬áthat brought this obsession to write down everything that springs out of my heart. ­čÖé

One Hour With the King

I have written this one like two months ago…somehow I kept it in my cabinet file but at this moment, I wish to share this brief but blissful moment to you. I know, I’m still growing and I pray I will be hungrier for His love and presence.

I miss those one-hour devotions. Though I know I need to discipline myself to have some time with God within the day, only by His grace I can do this. Truly, it is not by might, nor by power, but only by His Spirit such can be done because though the spirit is willing, the body is weak.

One hour in a day is so important with the Lord. “Could you not spend an hour with Me?” Jesus asked of His disciples at the Garden of Gethsemane, which I believe are being asked of us, too. But because of our so-called “daily pressures” in our lives, we shift our priorities to less important things. I myself have the tendency to be obsessed on my work and become a self-proclaimed workholic, which is not really necessary because work was already done. But I soon realized it just drained me of my self-preservation and became drained of my spiritual strength and insight.

I started that one-hour (actually added with one more hour) today. I pray I can do it until it becomes an unrelenting habit – obsessed with His presence. But I pray it will not become a religious factor. Once religiosity sets in, we lose focus on the Lord. We are not born for religion. We are born for His love.

But one hour is not enough…and it will never be. Indeed, better is one day in His courts than a thousands elsewere…oh that I may stay with Him for eternity!

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