Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Posts tagged ‘knowing’

Writing Pains

I woke up at almost 2 o’ clock in the morning just to write my script. In the state of surprise, I rushed to my still open netbook and typed away. Focused and alert, I did not notice how I’ve finished my long script in a jiffy.

Somebody told me I’m a very intelligent person because I write well. Being a student who joined journalism clubs and wrote for school columns, I was a bit popular among my peers. I even once thought that being a writer makes one exclusive. But through the years, I realized that being a writer does not make you the brightest person in the world. Rather, it’s a talent and gift with a purpose, and not made for bragging.

It’s a gift to the one who will use it well and a curse who will use it senselessly. I don’t know why some thought it’s very intelligent to write eloquently without really making a straight point. Just like any other skill, it’s not made for the writer to be famous but as a help to the public. Let me tell you that it can also be a puzzle. It’s challenging to put every information together, while constructing a very clear and concrete point.

Hard to be a writer? Yes. Very much. But no skill can be developed without it being tested on harsh waters. Waking up in the wee hours in the morning is one. But, when furnished, there’s fulfillment. Besides, whatever talent and skill you have, your passion can never die even if it is thrown into the fire. Living the passion just points one to where he should belong. To know one’s gift brings him to his convergence point. This is what everyone should discover in himself, for when we find our assignment, we would know what is our purpose in our generation.

I might not know how big can my script make an impact to the society. All I know is that I should do my job well. Popularity should not be an issue. When the real purpose of one’s skill is forgotten, chances are, the skill can be forgotten, too. When we practice our skills and gifts, may be remember the generation to whom these skills will impact, as we are part of this big world that we take part in rebuilding.

The Learning Curve of Love

I don’t understand why some schools offer instant learning modules to kids as small as 3 years old. On my way to meet my discipler, I suddenly passed by an ad for a learning institution offering parents that they would can make their 3 year old kids read in just 3 months. Goodness, I would consider myself then as a late learner because I only began to read at 5. I was just scribbling doodles on my mom’s notebook, every encyclopedia books, and our walls at age 3!

I must admit, kids are fast learners today. But we can’t expect every kid go along with what we teach, right? I remember one kid in our school who was a luckluster because he was a slow reader. In our society, we consider such as that as slow learners. But we are being too cruel…just too cruel…we don’t remember that not every medal bearer after graduation excel in life.

Just as varied as our personalities, our learning abilities are also varied differently. Not every dyslexic, poor in math (as yours truly), or stuttering fellow is a – excuse for the word – dumb fellow. It’s just, we have our own level of interests and levels. Some of us learn quick in this and slow at that…we can’t rate everybody useless if he can’t go with the rest of us.

But somehow, this society is quick to label poor fellows. As an excited sanguine who loves to imagine, overeact, laugh to my heart’s content, I’m not safe from the ridicule of kids – and adults of my generation. Somehow, my happy-go-lucky nature had me in the fool’s category. That’s the reason I’m afraid to go with cholerics…or melancholic-cholerics…especially those serious geniuses roaming in the government desks in coats and barongs.

That’s the reason we try to pretend. I try to pretend not to laugh at little amusing things…but I can’t help it. We do have our own little pretentions, c’mon admit it. But that’s not going to help. Oh and yes, we don’t have to hate others who are not to our own liking (especially if his personality or his IQ is not at your level). To love is the easiest word to say, but the hardest act to do. When we watch another’s difference, that’s a major hindance. Well, reason why most kids who are called slow learners are the least loved at school and grow in bitterness.

Jesus did not look at another’s hindances. He did not even call the beggars idiots or dumb. But He confronted the hypocrites with courage and frankness. I wonder how it is to look at others with love. We call ourselves Christians but we mostly become like the Pharasees who accused the adulteress death. I wonder what did Jesus see to grant her forgiveness. All He had were the eyes of love. I wish to have the same pair of eyes. It’s not impossible. The question is if I’m willing to die to myself and deny myself to have them.
I do have a lot to learn though. We don’t have to label each other because of differences. So what if I don’t have this and you got that? It’s dosen’t matter…love is higher than any accolade or intelligence garnered from school. I guess we can learn better if we are willing to be hurt when we love. Because when we love, we die to ourselves, until we become like the One who loved us first…

Destiny Seeker

There are really such times that I am tired with my own world. I’m tired with some of the people around me. I’m tired of the demands asked of me. I’m tired of living under a purpose not my own. I’m tired of the mundane routines that cause me to drag my feet to work. I’m tired of waiting for the great destiny set aside for me. But then, I would think again…perhaps, I am just too excited to see the prophecies foretold come into material in the wrong time.

When I was in grade school, I believed I had to achieve everything before I become 30 years old. I should be famous, I should have a book published, and I should be a well-achieved woman by then. Going beyond that age would mean I would have no more chances of becoming well-known at least once in my life – nor my name being etched in history.

But things get different as I aged. And yet, the Lord had shown me in different ways how He wanted me to be in His time. No, it’s not getting famous. Actually, I think these roles are downright unacknowledged in society at all. So, I kept all these things in my prophecy shelf. But because of my personality as a sanguine, I tried to wait though. However, I couldn’t connect the dots on how these things will happen in my lifetime. God had foreseen it and was already there before me. It’s just up to me to continue running and struggling to get there. It’s up to me to push harder the mountains that try to hinder me from getting there.

And yes, these mountains brought along little bugs that tell me to give up. Give up where I am now and take a dangerous short-cut to my destiny. But, oh Lord, do not let me listen to them. I must admit, I’m ready with my resignation letter. I’m in this road called lost. But, I’m also seeking the Lord. I really want to know His heart and where He wants me to be at this point of time. Should I jump the cliff or stay on the edge for the moment? I have to know…

I will never forget how the Lord spoke through a friend last time that I am shaken first to be a voice to the shaken. All these shakings made me hurt and offended. Oh, man, if I can just be emotionless just like Little Wonder or be your everyday hero just like Wonderwoman. But God is not looking for heroes or robots. He’s looking for real-life flesh and blood who will be filled by His Spirit during those upcoming great and terrible times. Can I fast forward my tape to that point in eternity? Nope. I have to go through the normal playing mode and see how His story in me will go.

The question is not: to go or not to go? But it should be to hear or not to hear. I’m ready to burst, really. But I’m also ready to listen. Which way should I go? I’m ready to take that step…to that path that I should take towards that destiny He has set for me.

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