Dancing in the rain
Such is what the weary keep in vain
For the sake of this silent hope
To water what remaining passion
Gagged by stress and pain
Silenced by pressure and competition
Strangled by envy and fear
Pick up these cluttered papers, I plead
To forget what was mauled by empty wisdom and vanity
Do endlessly throw them up in the air
So I can dance in the maddening rain
Posts tagged ‘freedom’
Dancing in the rain
Sometimes, I wish I were an ordinary worker. I’d have so much time out with the people I want to be with. I can have my own time and schedule. No one can bother me once I log out.
But being a journalist is a special job. It requires you to be in tuned with the latest news and updates. Once you set it aside even for a day, you might never catch up.
There are times I feel so depressed in this kind of job I am in. Some of my fellow contemporaries in this industry would not have enough time for themselves. A senior reporter gave a joke that there’s no lovelife in the media industry. Most of the older reporters remain unmarried, tragically.
But it’s not about the job itself that hinders one’s personal issues (lovelife, namely). It’s just one’s outlook in life.
When we focus too much in our jobs, truly, we might never find time for ourselves, our families, and our friends. Yuppies at their early twenties and near my age (the nearing 30’s) live an idealistic mindset, most of us believing we can change the future through our jobs. True as it is, but we must never let our profession eat us up.
We have the tendency to become too workaholic, we live within the bounderies of our work cubicles. We loose our social and family life. We don’t mind the family problems that linger about us. We forget the real essentials in life, unconsciously. For most of us, we might not realize that this job we have is only appointed for a season. When we realize that, it’s too late.
Who says that only journalists go through this? I had the same dilemma when I was a BPO agent (a night shifter, mind you). I guess every worker would have the same dilemma, our outlook in life being out of focus.
We can try to be heroes in our profession but we should never be martyrs. Our professions are not the very foundation of our lives, but to discover the essentials that uplift our lives, we must learn to slow down and set aside work awhile. 🙂
Right in the middle of the night, I fight against a running nose and a sore throat that was caused by restless screaming and loud worship and praise for the past four nights and three days. For those moments, I was deeply empowered with fresh revelation and an overflow of His Spirit, despite of this physical circumstance I’ve endured just today.
But that’s not where my real battle lies. After the convergence, I welcomed myself into the realities filled with brokenness…the realities I am to conquer.
If I can sum up the message of the past JRev (or Jesus Revolution) Convergence, the bottom line is the call to conquer the cultures of society. Imagine, we are not called only for church, but we are called for Christ. It’s a revelation of spreading His love to the other spheres of culture: family, education, business, arts and entertainment, government, media aside from church.
I was very much empowered, encouraged, and moved. The worship was intense and the Lord’s presence was so tangible, I wish I could stay here forever. But I have to go out.
Every night I’ve left the place, my eyes were once again opened to the poor and the needy sleeping in the streets, the broken and the homeless wandering on the sidewalks, and the places filled with filth and trash. Where’s the glory that I’ve basked myself into? Not in this place. And yet, for a weird instance, I felt moved at the sight.
For those three days it was empowering, but those four nights were heartbreaking.
I’ve seen that there are many people…a whole lot more in exponential numbers in such a broken situation compared to those who attended the convergence, or even those who have experienced God’s glory. And then, I remembered other people who have not even known the Lord in the places I work, much more in the field I go out to.
But I’m just one woman. What am I to do?
What I did not realize, the promise that I kept on claiming over and over is going to be a my tent peg in this upcoming war: “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1)
This brokenness is just the beginning. The moment the convergence ended, I knew that the real battle is just to begin.
There’s so much justice to be attained. These people I saw are just a remnant of the majority wallowing in deceit and poverty. I am called to be a voice in this mountain. But I need strategy. I need people to partner with me in prayer. And I need to keep a close walk with the Lord to know His heart and to be kept in realignment with His leading.
I knew bigger storms are coming. But these are for no apparent reason…these storms are just trying to hinder me from the inheritance that I’m warring for.
“Sometimes, your worst warfare is happening because the devil knows you’re approaching your biggest breakthrough and he’s trying to stop you from staying or getting to where you should be!” said Dr. Lance Wallnau, as he shared how to conquer the mountain of culture. Deep in my heart, I choose the mountain of media (government as second but not the main) and knew that with this commitment, I can not turn back.
I have to stand firm, be sensitive and be willing to be molded. I’m but a voice. I’m but His hands and His feet. I’m but a forerunner. I’m but a small man. But what is this huge mountain if I have a really big God to back me up.
Am I ready for this? I’m watching out for the arrows, but I knew I already have the victory through this war for I am a co-heir with the mighty King who had already sealed the war in victory!
I hated prom nights. I was very glad I never had been to one in high school. Due to forgotten circumstances, our school decided to postpone such an activity in our batch alone. To justify my joy, I reasoned out it helped us save supposed-to-be-wasted-money…but the truth is, I wouldn’t have the chance to be lonely as a wallflower.
Much was my anxiety as a teenager. It’s so natural how I wanted attention and how I wished I was every boys’ talk of town. I was not a typical popular girl and had this secret jealously with the pretty and popular. (I was quite childish, boyish, and a bit nerdy.) But perhaps, being an unattractive wallflower has its perks, too.
When I treated another friend to watch The Perks of a Wallflower, we expected it as a typical teen flick. But my reason for seeing film was Emma Watson. Appreciating her since those Harry Potter series, I expected her to break off from her bewitching character as Hermione Granger. At this point, she surprised me on how she Americanized herself as a typical high schooler named Sam.
The film’s protagonist, Charlie, was a shy freshman who mingled with a group of seniors who helped him out breakout from his shell. He was utterly close to Sam and her stepbrother Patrick. These guys did not mind Charlie’s introvert character as they had him tag along their parties and school lunches (they were totally loud and fun-loving). Being older and more liberated, they were able to share to him their self-expression. In reciprocation, Charlie mingled well. But as their friendship progresses, they began to pour out and even share their inner frustrations and even pains.
As a light, realistic teen flick, it lightly dealt with difficult issues of teen sexuality and abuse. It’s more of a picture of how adolescence, despite of the promising hope of youthfulness, can be a painful can affect one’s mind and being. On the lighter side, these young people tried to live day by day by shoving off each other’s differences and try to turn away from the pains by living loud and free.
I loved the friendship that was built despite of their differences. In high school, factions and groups were made according to your kind. But not Charlie and his friends. Together, they explored the wonders and even the hardships of a teenager. Senior or freshmen, they go through the same realities.
Being a teenager is never easy. Being a wallflower shouldn’t be a big deal since dealing with the pains of adolescence is much harder. I guess, if Charlie had not been with these older people, he wouldn’t have dealt with his dark secret at all – even at the point of almost bringing him to insanity.
So, Charlie isn’t really alone. And I’m not alone, too. I guess a wallflower is really better since I’m no heart throb too focused on myself not realizing the joy of sharing adolescence with the oddest friends. Prom night or no prom night, unpopular wallflowers like me is no big deal at all. Differences will never be an issue as long as there are real friends who understand your difference. It is only fellow teenagers who can understand teenagers, despite of the misfits they do in life. They learn from one another and carry what they can as they age more.
If ever that prom night pushed through, I guess I’d have some of my fellow misfit friends stand with me on the wall. I don’t have to be popular to express myself, right? Charlie was not popular, yet was accepted because of friends who had some crazy fun and shared frustrations with him.
If I were the person now back then, perhaps I’d just dance crazy just like Patrick and Sam. Then towards the night, with some 90’s rock music, stand on the top of the pick-up truck and wave your arms like an eagle.
To be a wallflower, anyone? 🙂