Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Posts tagged ‘freedom’

To Dance in the Maddening Rain

Dancing in the rain
Such is what the weary keep in vain
For the sake of this silent hope
To water what remaining passion
Gagged by stress and pain
Silenced by pressure and competition
Strangled by envy and fear
Pick up these cluttered papers, I plead
To forget what was mauled by empty wisdom and vanity
Do endlessly throw them up in the air
So I can dance in the maddening rain

We Live Not To Work

Sometimes, I wish I were an ordinary worker. I’d have so much time out with the people I want to be with. I can have my own time and schedule. No one can bother me once I log out.

But being a journalist is a special job. It requires you to be in tuned with the latest news and updates. Once you set it aside even for a day, you might never catch up.

There are times I feel so depressed in this kind of job I am in. Some of my fellow contemporaries in this industry would not have enough time for themselves. A senior reporter gave a joke that there’s no lovelife in the media industry. Most of the older reporters remain unmarried, tragically.

But it’s not about the job itself that hinders one’s personal issues (lovelife, namely). It’s just one’s outlook in life.

When we focus too much in our jobs, truly, we might never find time for ourselves, our families, and our friends. Yuppies at their early twenties and near my age (the nearing 30’s) live an idealistic mindset, most of us believing we can change the future through our jobs. True as it is, but we must never let our profession eat us up.

We have the tendency to become too workaholic, we live within the bounderies of our work cubicles. We loose our social and family life. We don’t mind the family problems that linger about us. We forget the real essentials in life, unconsciously. For most of us, we might not realize that this job we have is only appointed for a season. When we realize that, it’s too late.

Who says that only journalists go through this? I had the same dilemma when I was a BPO agent (a night shifter, mind you). I guess every worker would have the same dilemma, our outlook in life being out of focus.

We can try to be heroes in our profession but we should never be martyrs. Our professions are not the very foundation of our lives, but to discover the essentials that uplift our lives, we must learn to slow down and set aside work awhile. ­čÖé

War of the Unseen Worlds

I live in two worlds. One seen and one unseen.

I can’t believe how my world changes when I go out into the field, when I mingle with people whose perception are not the same as mine. It’s hard to fathom and to explain to them, and I always have a hard time explaining what I see from what they see.

The world’s perspective is never the same as those who had seen the light in Christ Jesus. I can’t force you the truth. No, I don’t want a debate. But my heart always ache when people tell me that this is how things should be — when the world tells you to plan this way without seeking the Lord.

I can sense how free it is to be with people whose hearts are hungry for God; who in their longing to see the truth and righteousness, see the Lord; and whose surrendered lives exhibit pure love to others.

This is the world that I love to be in, when eyes do not look at others with lust and when voices are raised in one accord to worship the Lord. This is the world of freedom.

But once I leave such a place, I see a desolation. Here, I find people whose perspective are trapped in the “normal” course of life; in such a place, hearts have become calloused with the┬ádegradation that sin has caused into this world.

This is the plain where I find people dying around me. This is the field where hope and vision are stolen from mankind.

How I ache for all to know how great God’s plan is for everyone.

From the beginning, even before we are formed in our mother’s womb, He knows what’s the best for us. We’ll be surprised that maybe our ideal age to marry does not match His, and even our dream career is never the same as He has in store for us. For most of the time, we tend to follow our senses, thinking that this is it. But what we don’t know is that our identities and destinies can only be known if we surrender to the Lord what has been instilled into us. In the beginning, the Lord has already planned the best for us. But we have been deceived by a blinded world, telling us to follow a “normal” pattern of events (which mostly lead to a dead end). Yet until now, even the people of the free are trying to grasp their true identities. I myself is in progress to know who I really am. But God, in our quest to know who we are, show us little by little. And with this, we are surprised with the truth He shows us day by day.

Yet, I can hear people in the dying plain tell me to use lucky charms to find “the one”. The people in the world of freedom use the Word of God to fight with “the Victorious One”.

The people in the dying plain tell me to fall out of love and catch the guy I like. The people in the world of freedom encourage me to fall into His steadfast love and be caught in His everlasting faithfulness.

The people in the dying plain do not walk in wisdom. The people in the world of freedom walk in freedom and light.

But this is not a reason for me to hate the people in the dying plain.

The Lord has longed for the people of the world of freedom go out and give life to the people in the dying plain. Their perspective is never the same as mine, unless they encounter the heart of God whose love is beyond human passion. Most of the time, I wish to stay in the church for the rest of my life. But what use is my light if I don’t go out into the dark world to guide the people of the dying plain. Besides, it’s not me who gives out this light, but it is the Lord who radiates through me.

Most of the time, I am afraid; I fear the mob that will fixate on me. But what reason should I fear? Don’t I have a great God who will defend me?

I am on training. Yes, I’m no mighty preacher or any famous televangelist. That’s why in this season, the Lord tells me to rest in His presence that is in everywhere I go.

Yes, His presence is not only in the world of freedom. His presence is also in the dying plain. All I have to do is let go of my anxieties, open my eyes, and see Him set the captives free.

Empowered and Broken to Conquer

Right in the middle of the night, I fight against a running nose and a sore throat that was caused by restless screaming and loud worship and praise for the past four nights and three days. For those moments, I was deeply empowered with fresh revelation and an overflow of His Spirit, despite of this physical circumstance I’ve endured just today.

But that’s not where my real battle lies. After the convergence, I welcomed myself into the realities filled with┬ábrokenness…the realities I am to conquer.

If I can sum up the message of the past JRev (or Jesus Revolution) Convergence, the┬ábottom line┬áis the call to conquer the cultures of society. Imagine, we are not called only for church, but we are called for Christ. It’s a revelation of spreading His love to the other spheres of culture: family, education, business, arts and entertainment, government, media aside from church.

I was very much empowered, encouraged, and moved. The worship was intense and the Lord’s presence was so tangible, I wish I could stay here forever. But I have to go out.

Every night I’ve left the place, my eyes were once again opened to the poor and the needy sleeping in the streets, the broken and the homeless wandering on the sidewalks, and the places filled with filth and trash. Where’s the glory that I’ve basked myself into? Not in this place. And yet, for a weird instance, I felt moved at the sight.

For those three days it was empowering, but those four nights were heartbreaking.

I’ve seen that there are many people…a whole lot more in exponential numbers in such a broken situation compared to those who attended the convergence, or even those who have experienced God’s glory. And then, I remembered other people who have not even known the Lord in the places I work, much more in the field I go out to.

But I’m just one woman. What am I to do?

What I did not realize, the promise that I kept on claiming over and over is going to be a my tent peg in this upcoming war: “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?” (Psalm 27:1)

This brokenness is just the beginning. The moment the convergence ended, I knew that the real battle is just to begin.

There’s so much justice to be attained. These people I saw are just a remnant of the majority wallowing in deceit and poverty. I am called to be a voice in this mountain. But I need strategy. I need people to partner with me in prayer. And I need to keep a close walk with the Lord to know His heart and to be kept in realignment with His leading.

I knew bigger storms are coming. But these are for no apparent reason…these storms are just trying to hinder me from the inheritance that I’m warring for.

“Sometimes, your worst warfare is happening because the devil knows you’re approaching your biggest breakthrough and he’s trying to stop you from staying or getting to where you should be!” said Dr. Lance Wallnau, as he shared how to conquer the mountain of culture. Deep in my heart, I choose the mountain of media (government as second but not the main) and knew that with this commitment, I can not turn back.

I have to stand firm, be sensitive and be willing to be molded. I’m but a voice. I’m but His hands and His feet. I’m but a forerunner. I’m but a small man. But what is this huge mountain if I have a really big God to back me up.

Am I ready for this? I’m watching out for the arrows, but I knew I already have the victory through this war for I am a co-heir with the mighty King who had already sealed the war in victory!

To be a Wallflower, Anyone? (Movie reflection from “The Perks of a Wallflower”)

I hated prom nights. I was very glad I never had been to one in high school. Due to forgotten circumstances, our school decided to postpone such an activity in our batch alone. To justify my joy, I reasoned out it helped us save supposed-to-be-wasted-money…but the truth is, I wouldn’t have the chance to be lonely as a wallflower.

Much was my anxiety as a teenager. It’s so natural how I wanted attention and how I wished I was every boys’ talk of town. I was not a typical popular girl and had this secret jealously with the pretty and popular. ┬á(I was quite childish, boyish, and a bit nerdy.) But perhaps, being an unattractive wallflower has its perks, too.

When I treated another friend to watch The Perks of a Wallflower, we expected it as a typical teen flick. But my reason for seeing film was Emma Watson. Appreciating her since those Harry Potter series, I expected her to break off from her bewitching character as  Hermione Granger. At this point, she surprised me on how she Americanized herself as a typical high schooler named Sam.

The film’s protagonist, Charlie, was a shy freshman who mingled with a group of seniors who helped him out breakout from his shell. He was utterly close to Sam and her stepbrother Patrick. These guys did not mind Charlie’s introvert character as they had him tag along their parties and school lunches (they were totally loud and fun-loving). Being older and more liberated, they were able to share to him their self-expression. In reciprocation, Charlie mingled well. But as their friendship progresses, they began to pour out and even share their inner frustrations and even pains.

As a light, realistic teen flick, it lightly dealt with difficult issues of teen sexuality and abuse. It’s more of a picture of how adolescence, despite of the promising hope of youthfulness, can be a painful can affect one’s mind and being. On the lighter side, these young people tried to live day by day by shoving off each other’s differences and try to turn away from the pains by living loud and free.

I loved the friendship that was built despite of their differences. In high school, factions and groups were made according to your kind. But not Charlie and his friends. Together, they explored the wonders and even the hardships of a teenager. Senior or freshmen, they go through the same realities.

Being a teenager is never easy. Being a wallflower shouldn’t be a big deal since dealing with the pains of adolescence is much harder. I guess, if Charlie had not been with these older people, he wouldn’t have dealt with his dark secret at all – even at the point of almost bringing him to insanity.

So, Charlie isn’t really alone. And I’m not alone, too. I guess a wallflower is really better since I’m no heart throb too focused on myself not realizing the joy of sharing adolescence with the oddest friends. Prom night or no prom night, unpopular wallflowers like me is no big deal at all. Differences will never be an issue as long as there are real friends who understand your difference. It is only fellow teenagers who can understand teenagers, despite of the misfits they do in life. They learn from one another and carry what they can as they age more.

If ever that prom night pushed through, I guess I’d have some of my fellow misfit friends stand with me on the wall. I don’t have to be popular to express myself, right? Charlie was not popular, yet was accepted because of friends who had some crazy fun and shared frustrations with him.

If I were the person now back then, perhaps I’d just dance crazy just like Patrick and Sam. Then towards the night, with some 90’s rock music, stand on the top of the pick-up truck and wave your arms like an eagle.

To be a wallflower, anyone? ­čÖé

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