Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Posts tagged ‘forgiveness’

Redeeming Broken Promises

broken promiseI wonder what makes people break their promises. For a number of reasons, I have been offended by so many friends who were not true to their word. I have a list of those significant ones who had gravely offended me. But the deeper offense was they callously walk away from it. I must admit these have greatly disappointed me, reason enough for me to get even.

Who wouldn’t be disappointed when a friend did not pay for your fare after he said he would when you to accompany him to enroll in a university? Or when somebody disregarded the farewell gift he promised you before he goes abroad or before you resign from the company you both worked in? How about when a really special friend did not take you to the special place he has been telling you from the beginning? Perhaps, these things are small and unimportant to the ones who released these vows. Yet, it means a lot to those who had received these promises.

Words are very significant. They should not be taken lightly. They are not made of thin air, but of power that can bring life and death. If sticks and stones can hurt us, words can hurt us more. How much more words that have been withdrawn from our trust, not having any closure on the matter? Most in this generation have lost the sense of commitment, watering down perspective on the power words can bring.

Broken promises can destroy relationships and unity, signifying that the promise-bearer is not a person of honor. Every promise released is a binding thread between lovers, friends, family, and master and student.

I am not being proud here. I have my share of delayed promises, but I’d always make sure that I keep my word, no matter how long it had taken.

So, how about the list of broken promises? I leave them into the hands of my promise-keeping God. He is the One true Promise Keeper. His promises to look after you, to provide for you, and love you has never failed, generations after generations. What did He do to that list? He burned them up. He wanted me to show that His grace towards the promise breakers is wider than these broken promises. That I have to follow His example of giving them a second chance. He has given us endless chances to turn away from breaking promises while He waited for us.

I’m so glad that there are always second chances given to us who are never perfect in every way. But we have to learn how to forgive, let go, and begin anew. The Lord has been that graceful. There are times that I feel so ashamed that He can be more faithful to me than I could ever be.

Perhaps, one day, these broken promises will be redeemed. It might not be the same as before, but given another chance, they can be mended along with the trust that has been ripped with it.

Forgiving the Forgiven

I could have completely cut my ties with him. He used to be a dear friend, but the malicious public made us rift apart. I hated him for being too inexpressive while playing along with the teasings of the multitudes. He himself thought I was playing along.

But I was already too offended.

In my resentment, I expressed myself through a text message that he was a fool, a promise-breaker, and a liar. He was surprised and saddened, asking me to forgive him.

I tried to keep my silence and ignore him forever. But deep inside, I can hear the voice of Love saying, “Forgive him…”

It was the Lord Himself. He reminded me on why I started praying for this person and with it I said, “Let’s fight for him in prayer.”

So, I braved myself to ask him to meet me at the canteen the following day, or I’ll leave in five minutes.

He did show up immediately.

For the first time we had a very serious talk. It was so different from the other conversations we had, which were not that deep and serious.

He explained his side to me, telling me that everything he promised are true and was hopeful they will happen.

But due to circumstances in our jobs, he was trying to juggle with everything he considers, his family and his friends including me.

Yes, for the first time I heard it straight from his lips. And looking at his eyes he was sincere.

He told me much more that I did not know, the deep side of him that I did not understand.

I was too proud to ignore him, without really hearing him.

Should I have not initiated to talk to him, our friendship would have been ruined and bitterness would have swallowed me up.

It is true that when you love, you must learn how to bravely confront and listen with love and humility.

In the end, I understand how precious this person is as I have been precious to him too.

I guess this is how the Lord loves him too, for He is faithful to begin answers to my prayers and how He heard me to continually fight for him.

All in all, I learned that love takes one to communicate deeply and love is not to be kept in frustration as it can be released through forgiveness.

Nursing Irritants

A few minutes left to 6 am. I wanted to scream to keep going. The jeepney driver slowly paved the road to get more passengers. After that, traffic at the tollgate. Soon, I was late. The service left me.

I sat in the jeep almost dumbfounded as they texted me that they have to go without me. Only a few minutes was left to get there. Only a few meters to run and I could have reached them. But what can I do? The service has to leave earlier an hour earlier than its normal departure schedule for an early appointment.

I wanted to cry as I took an FX to work. I felt I wasted my time. I wasted my energy to wake too early. I wasted my money.

Then, I checked myself. Yes, I tried. But I’ve been too confident that they would forgive me for a few minutes of being late. I guess I have been complacent. I have lacked discipline.

Again, I asked the Lord what else was I lacking. A thankful heart, a praising breath — to bring out such things is hard when you wanted to blame everyone for leaving you.

Out of a bleeding heart, came a soft whisper:

“Thank You, Father, for this day…

This day You have made to show me Your love and grace…

This day You have been planning to open my eyes to see Your beauty in the midst of ashes,

This day You have thought along to let me hear that greater things are meant to come,

This day You have had written long ago to reveal to me Yourself.”

I realized this has been my prayer for a long time. To see, to hear, and to know Him more. Yet, these things will come when I call out to Him. I can only call out when I’m being pushed into the mire.

Why should I cry over spilled milk when there is a promised land flowing with it waiting for me?

It’s painful. Yet out of the pain I have to learn of the little weaknesses to be corrected. I realized this is how to rejoice in my sufferings. My prayer is being manifested. And so, He comes alive…

When I stepped out of the FX, I have forgotten my bitterness. I have lost my indignation. The irritant I’ve tried to nurse was chased away by thankfulness and grace.

End of part one. I’m expecting that more of such moments will come to test my character. But through these I pray I’ll learn more His ways, and learn to keep my eyes away from myself and more unto my Great Daddy in heaven. 🙂

The Learning Curve of Love

I don’t understand why some schools offer instant learning modules to kids as small as 3 years old. On my way to meet my discipler, I suddenly passed by an ad for a learning institution offering parents that they would can make their 3 year old kids read in just 3 months. Goodness, I would consider myself then as a late learner because I only began to read at 5. I was just scribbling doodles on my mom’s notebook, every encyclopedia books, and our walls at age 3!

I must admit, kids are fast learners today. But we can’t expect every kid go along with what we teach, right? I remember one kid in our school who was a luckluster because he was a slow reader. In our society, we consider such as that as slow learners. But we are being too cruel…just too cruel…we don’t remember that not every medal bearer after graduation excel in life.

Just as varied as our personalities, our learning abilities are also varied differently. Not every dyslexic, poor in math (as yours truly), or stuttering fellow is a – excuse for the word – dumb fellow. It’s just, we have our own level of interests and levels. Some of us learn quick in this and slow at that…we can’t rate everybody useless if he can’t go with the rest of us.

But somehow, this society is quick to label poor fellows. As an excited sanguine who loves to imagine, overeact, laugh to my heart’s content, I’m not safe from the ridicule of kids – and adults of my generation. Somehow, my happy-go-lucky nature had me in the fool’s category. That’s the reason I’m afraid to go with cholerics…or melancholic-cholerics…especially those serious geniuses roaming in the government desks in coats and barongs.

That’s the reason we try to pretend. I try to pretend not to laugh at little amusing things…but I can’t help it. We do have our own little pretentions, c’mon admit it. But that’s not going to help. Oh and yes, we don’t have to hate others who are not to our own liking (especially if his personality or his IQ is not at your level). To love is the easiest word to say, but the hardest act to do. When we watch another’s difference, that’s a major hindance. Well, reason why most kids who are called slow learners are the least loved at school and grow in bitterness.

Jesus did not look at another’s hindances. He did not even call the beggars idiots or dumb. But He confronted the hypocrites with courage and frankness. I wonder how it is to look at others with love. We call ourselves Christians but we mostly become like the Pharasees who accused the adulteress death. I wonder what did Jesus see to grant her forgiveness. All He had were the eyes of love. I wish to have the same pair of eyes. It’s not impossible. The question is if I’m willing to die to myself and deny myself to have them.
I do have a lot to learn though. We don’t have to label each other because of differences. So what if I don’t have this and you got that? It’s dosen’t matter…love is higher than any accolade or intelligence garnered from school. I guess we can learn better if we are willing to be hurt when we love. Because when we love, we die to ourselves, until we become like the One who loved us first…

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