Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Posts tagged ‘complacency’

Circus Battleground

The crowd roared as the heart-broken performer hangs on the trapeze in suspense. The lights glimmered and dimmed in rhythm as dancers drowned their fears and insecurities. The little clowns covered their depression in thick make-up by reenacting their tragedies. The powers and principalities were entertained, looking forward for another intense act of broken homes, lost lives, and dramatic deaths. Welcome to your daily freak show. The circus that clothed every blinded prisoner in glitter and color. The show that feed every demon’s lust for a broken life.

But among the lost and broken is a soul free from the leashes of whips of the heartless ringmaster.  No one touches him as he watches in their midst. But there was no other way out. It’s either he stays unnoticed or war the principalities around him.

And just like the little warrior-in-the-making, I did not know what to do…or rather…I don’t want to do what I must do.

Almost everyone around me is a unconscious victim of sin, lies, and pride. A man indifferent to porn and curses, a woman having one-night stands with different men while searching for real love, a successful and beautiful journalist with a broken family, a prominent and intelligent government official loud on his extramarital affair.

And here I am. The “quiet, innocent sheep” doing nothing but that mundane working routine.

Until the moment of empowerment came again. My workplace is not a place to make money, it is a mission field to conquer.

It is a mountain where I am called to reap the harvest. It is where the thrones of wicked kings are meant to be toppled down for the freedom of these victims.

But first of all, it is me who should be liberated…I need liberation from my comfort zone. My hibernation causes me to shut my eyes from the pain of the world around me, and yet my own make-believe world can never take me out of here.

But I have this deep passion that pains me from staying in my shell…

…and compassion in order to break them from their chains.

I’ve been decreed with authority. I’ve been given weapons. I’ve been reminded over and over the mountains that can be moved with I speak. It’s just I tried to shut up the tragedy and the deceptive “normalcy” that I hope not to touch. I loved my little, quiet world. But I am not meant to stay here forever.

Who am I to be afraid of the wicked principalities, anyway? For greater is the Lord, full of wisdom and might, who is in me than he who is in the world.

All I have to do is to open my eyes…and fight to move forward…

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In Between the Lines

I hate mediocrity. Much of ministry work today have become powerless rituals in society.

I hate dictatorship. We have pushed ourselves to hard to do work without remembering The One Thing.

I hate commercialization. Our church today has become a convenience store for self-preservation.

I hate complacency. We have forced ourselves to stay in the level because we are afraid of getting deeper.

But I love to explore. There are more important things other than doing ministry alone. Remember Mary of Bethany.

I’d rather stay broken. I am not willing to preserve myself for the sake of pride. Remember Nathaniel before the King of Persia.

I love to take risks. Sowing much of myself will reap a bountiful. Remember Paul the Apostle.

I love to give it all up. If this has to be for the of becoming closer to His heart. Remember David the King.

I am not bound by tradition but I am bound into His intimacy. May the world discover such treasure. Amen.

Breaking My Palace Walls

It’s natural to be afraid of many things. Until now in my 26 years of existence, I’m still battling with a number of fears that try to coincide with my self-confidence.

It’s hard to fight fears. For most of the time, I love laying on my perfumed couch in my little ivory palace of complacency. Outside my palace walls is a whole new world of wonder that I’ve never seen. But there are no doors or windows. The only way to break out is to break the walls. But I’d hesitate because I have to ruin that expensive, beautiful facade.

Many think I’m not afraid of anything because I smile a lot. But deep inside, I cry when you tell me about being bold enough yielding my rights.

I need to yield my right to be offended.

I need to yield my right for worldly applause.

I need to yield my right to please everybody.

I need to give up being so selfish for complacency.

I wanted to cry at times because I can’t give up those rights. I want to, but I’m scared. I’m so afraid of hearing criticisms or taunts. I’m not made for man, but I’m afraid of man.

Lord, bring me out of this.

I hate this cycle. For once again, the Lord is revealing some bumps in me in this new season. I’m not a perfect lady, anyway. But I hate it when I see myself not really that perfect. In order to be refined, I have to give up what I’ve been embracing for so long.

While I break those ivory walls, my heart goes down with brokenness. But I have to. It’s now or never. If I don’t do this, I’ll suffocate. Break me out of my fears or I’ll die!

Hence, I’m yet to see the whole new world outside…

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