Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Posts tagged ‘call’

The Ringing Crisis

​I yawned as I waited for someone to reply on the other line. It’s not a call center job, but I was required to make follow-up calls to overseas customers to confirm some missing information in the probate accounts I handled. It was 2 o’clock in the morning and it was just the middle of my shift.

An airy, ghostly voice answered on the other line, “Helloooooo…”

My heart jumped to my throat. In a matter of three milliseconds, I debated against myself whether I should hung up and forget this account. It was 2 o’clock in the morning and weird things happen in the middle of my shift.

Trying to hide the nervousness of my voice, I promptly asked, “My I speak with a relative of so-and-so?”

The mysterious caller cleared her voice which turned out to be a husky one, “I am her sister.”

I was relieved. This is why I hate taking calls.

Ever since the beginning, I have the fear of talking on the phone.

I don’t have any genetic or scientific explanation for that. Every time I make a call, receive a call or just have a phone over my face, it’s like facing the greatest nightmare of my life. Somehow, not seeing the person I’m talking distracts me. I’m a visual person, I could concentrate at what I hear when it is associated with what I see. Staring at a blank wall while hearing somebody babble on the other end would cause me to day dream, especially if my mind would be confused on what to say next.

We never had a landline at home. The old folks did not see the necessity of it. Owning a phone only happened once. That was when my sister ordered an internet phone line at her house where we used to stay while her husband was working abroad. But even that was not of much use unless we needed to call a government agency or book for a room for a Baguio vacation (which happened only once). Still, I hated the experience of taking a call because I believed every caller makes a weird, gargled frank at my ear (which really never happened).

Thank goodness for cellphones. Receiving and sending text messages were less frightening for me. I believe it gave me more time to think over what was written (although I would overlook at them like a dyslexic at times) and carefully compose what I want to say. More so, calls are more expensive are text messages. Not until those unli calls and postpaid mobile lines came into existence…

This I had to endure at my former media career. Calls, which were always a part of this seemingly-glorious industry, made me mortified until I became numb with it. But I couldn’t be numb forever. Calls can range from placidly dumb to unnecessarily urgent. Soon, such calls made me a nervous wreck. I shudder whenever I hear that shrill voice on the line…

“Where are you now? How come your subject has not agreed on the interview?”

“I have not received a reply from you and our ratings have fallen and the boss made a scruffy feedback!”

“Scrap that! We got more important stories to air.”

“Where’s the script you’re working at? I need that NOW!”

There goes the triggering point. I knew I had to change my job and my phone (as well as that alarmist ringtone). Calling me would never help – it never did. It’s because my mind would play when I receive calls.

I guess calls are for emergencies. I’d rather read silly shoutouts on my smartphone than get a call, whether it be nice or alarming.

I wonder if I would get over this fear of calls. I bet no hi-tech innovation could ever take that out of me…just yet. So, don’t call…ever.

Circus Battleground

The crowd roared as the heart-broken performer hangs on the trapeze in suspense. The lights glimmered and dimmed in rhythm as dancers drowned their fears and insecurities. The little clowns covered their depression in thick make-up by reenacting their tragedies. The powers and principalities were entertained, looking forward for another intense act of broken homes, lost lives, and dramatic deaths. Welcome to your daily freak show. The circus that clothed every blinded prisoner in glitter and color. The show that feed every demon’s lust for a broken life.

But among the lost and broken is a soul free from the leashes of whips of the heartless ringmaster.  No one touches him as he watches in their midst. But there was no other way out. It’s either he stays unnoticed or war the principalities around him.

And just like the little warrior-in-the-making, I did not know what to do…or rather…I don’t want to do what I must do.

Almost everyone around me is a unconscious victim of sin, lies, and pride. A man indifferent to porn and curses, a woman having one-night stands with different men while searching for real love, a successful and beautiful journalist with a broken family, a prominent and intelligent government official loud on his extramarital affair.

And here I am. The “quiet, innocent sheep” doing nothing but that mundane working routine.

Until the moment of empowerment came again. My workplace is not a place to make money, it is a mission field to conquer.

It is a mountain where I am called to reap the harvest. It is where the thrones of wicked kings are meant to be toppled down for the freedom of these victims.

But first of all, it is me who should be liberated…I need liberation from my comfort zone. My hibernation causes me to shut my eyes from the pain of the world around me, and yet my own make-believe world can never take me out of here.

But I have this deep passion that pains me from staying in my shell…

…and compassion in order to break them from their chains.

I’ve been decreed with authority. I’ve been given weapons. I’ve been reminded over and over the mountains that can be moved with I speak. It’s just I tried to shut up the tragedy and the deceptive “normalcy” that I hope not to touch. I loved my little, quiet world. But I am not meant to stay here forever.

Who am I to be afraid of the wicked principalities, anyway? For greater is the Lord, full of wisdom and might, who is in me than he who is in the world.

All I have to do is to open my eyes…and fight to move forward…

The Shift

Have we missed so much of His great calling? Have we become lost through the years?

The 24/7 call is echoing into my heart again. But I don’t know what to do.

As I was going though Pete Grieg’s “Red Moon Rising”, I was so moved on how God moves to mobilize 24/7 houses of prayers across Europe. Young people gather to pray as that of the Moravian prayer house more than 200 years ago. I couldn’t believe how an antagonistic society as Europe become a hatching point of an unbelievable prayer movement no one has imagined through the years.

And I wonder how God can change an overly religious society just as ours.

The Philippines have had its taste of revival in the 80’s, the same season when the Iron Curtain was ripped open to let the world’s fresh wind breeze in and the Berlin Wall crumbled down to welcome the new world. It was also the time of renewal in every point of society, government and all. At the same time yellow ribbons and white flowers flew across EDSA when a new regime sat in, the church was making a cultural shift in our nation. This is what we have known as our pentecostal movement. Churches breaking from the known “idolatric bigotry” sprang forth, a new Jesus movement raged through, and countless young people gave their lives to Jesus, miraculously from drugs and vices. This was the time the church turned back to who Jesus is, and the Holy Spirit gave forth a fresh revelation of God’s love to us.

Fast forward twenty years. The Holy Spirit was quenched. We have lost our focus from our first love.

Why? We have become so engrossed with our “religiousness”. We love to talk about God but we do not pursue to talk to Him. We listened to all those great speakers but we did not pursue to listen to His Spirit alone. We keep on working in ministries but we did not wait upon His Spirit. We keep on doing good things, but are we still doing His will?

We keep on doing so much, but we don’t realize how burned out we are. We don’t realize that much of what we do are not aligned to what He really wants us to do. But enough is enough. He wants us to refocus at His heart.

And so I’m struggling. I want to hear Him again. But I don’t know what to do.

I’m itching to see revival in the land as the Moravians did after praying night and day, day and night. I can’t wait to see a sea of drunkards and drug addicts come to Christ in one snap of a finger. I can’t wait to see the Church spring forth in genuine love to the lost and the poor. Right now, it is the government who does the social work for the poor and outcast, because the Church prioritized conferences and ministries rather than love.

This is what the 24/7 HOPs are for. We are to call forth justice and deliverance. We are to refocus our identity as the Bride of Christ. We are to know more who God is. We have to realign once again into His perfect will by seeking His heart.

And this call came years ago. I’m almost at my thirties. And I still haven’t seen these 24/7 rise up. And I still don’t know what to do.

I don’t want to miss Your call again, Lord. Should one generation pass without doing what You want for our time, it would break Your heart and so will mine. I am but a minion. You are God and God alone. Will You come and rise up in our midst? We have never heard You so clearly, we keep on saying we heard You but we really haven’t. Come change our hearts, let us refocus to what Your heart really wants and go pursue Your perfect will. Your will be done and Kingdom come, on earth as it is in heaven.

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