Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Posts tagged ‘beloved’

His Faithfulness for My Unfaithfulness

I love reading news. Somehow, I think I’ve quite become obsessive with it. My fingers always itch for my phone just to look at the latest tweets on what’s happening around the planet. Even when I’m very sleepy still tweeter wins the case! Ayayay! O.o

And because of my love for news I sometimes felt myself better than anyone else. I thought I was more intelligent than any of my contemporaries; politics was slowly becoming my game. And because of this mindset, I did not notice that was heart was drifting away from my Beloved’s heart. My glass was becoming empty. I was forgetting what it means to yearn His presence like an innocent child.

But my Beloved is so faithful, I’m always in His mind. You know what, He revealed Himself once again in one of the soaking songs, Misty Edwards’ “Beauty Arise”, that I’ve been listening to over and over again.

You say, “I’ll take that harlot,”
You say, “I’ll make her My Bride,”
You say, “I’ll take that pauper,”
You say, “I’ll make him My king…”

Until now, I don’t understand how a holy God desires a poor, wretched girl like me. I’ve been impulsive and very proud. I have been faithless, ready to give myself to the world. Oh, that You would refine me still more! I don’t want to face You with soiled clothes. It’s scary when you try to come to His throne because His holiness can burn you inside and out…but…there He is, inviting me to sit by His side.

I am His creation. I am His beloved. I might not understand His deep, deep love for me for a thousand years. Can I just stay even at Your doorposts for one day? This is better than getting the biggest scoop in human history!!

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Hungry For More Food

I’m hungry…simply hungry for more of Him and His Word. It’s like food that I will never grow tired of eating. It’s like honey that I long for its sweetness to stay in my mouth not only for a minute but for eternity.

This is the result when I asked the Lord for a deeper knowledge of Him; the thing that I’ve been praying for the past few days. Head knowledge is too shallow for me and too boring to live for. God is Spirit, indeed. And so He invites us to know and worship Him in spirit and in truth.

But one cannot worship and love a God if He is not known in intimacy and passion.

And so, that’s a part of my reason on why I had a day-off. I was too desperate to become closer to His heart. During my two-day excursion at the prayer mountain, I was expecting the Lord would reveal to me by showing Himself in a supernatural vision.

Not so…

Instead, He gave me desire to know Him more through His Word. Indeed, I was already moving into deeper waters, and yet, I was more desperate to go deeper even though the tides drown me in.

But I was appalled to find myself with too little knowledge of His Word – the very Word He spoke straight from His heart.

Reading the whole Bible annually is not enough. Just lately, I discovered more gemstones in His Word that I did not find before. They were a delight, you see. And yet, I’m still at a loss. I want to learn more and yet I don’t know where to start.

That’s when I felt the urgency to have my own mentor.

And so, I do have…but I have just met her recently. Wow, I do believe meeting her was no accident and the Lord brought me and my friend to her so we can learn more.

But my journey in this new season has just begun.

I’m delighted (and desperate) to be in another learning curve with the Holy Spirit. Aw, if those two days were years. But I don’t have to exclude myself from the world – I just have to learn how to cope loving the people in this world while I pursue the deeper knowldge of my Beloved Bridgroom God. šŸ™‚

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