Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

As a following to my blog yesterday, I’m blessed to have read this blog from Cole Ryan…this is for guys but it’s good to be refreshed with the truth of pursuing for that “man after God’s own heart”…may this be a reminder for my brothers, too…thanks, Cole Ryan! 🙂

The Forerunner’s Call

She’s phlegmatic. I’m sanguine-turning-choleric. We’re totally different.
And yet it’s the meekness of the phleg that brought down the pride of the sanguine-choleric.

Our worship and ways are different. My songs are unknown to her world. I consider her a part of the old wine while I a new wine

Yet, this pride revealed that my wine is turning old and sour.

It was this Thursday night that revealed my weakness and pride and the call that I believe will make me to the one I should be.

While waiting for the service going home Thursday night, I borrowed the guitar, expecting some of the youngest members of our news team to join me. But none of them knew my songs, while doing another errand.

I went on, singing while strumming. She then asked me to sing one song I’m not familiar at, but was not satisfied with the chords I find in the internet and so she began playing her mp3 with the requested song for me to follow, she said.

But I was insulted, putting down the guitar.

I talked with her, saying how I was irritated by our differences. She said she was glad I was being honest as she shared how she wanted to start a small group.

Deciding to start prayer together, no plans, no blueprint, just go with the flow of His Spirit, I realized what a big fool I was. I was being irritated with such a small matter.

I realized this is how parents and their children war with each other. I condemned how some elders look down at the radicalism of my generation, but I never knew I was becoming like them.

It just took the humility of a younger girl to change my perspective.

I am called to be a forerunner, to lead younger generations to His heart. I have no right to turn them away, especially this young girl whose heart is pure before God.

My status, my position, and even the growth of my knowledge of the Word and experience as a Christian became nothing compared to her purity and “simple” joy of seeking the heart of God. There she was, wanting to start a small group or prayer to bring back the hearts of many to Jesus, just as I was before…but without a teacher.

And so I am ready to become a teacher and a parent to the likes of this pure soul.

But I can never be one until I submit humbly to the Lord and accept the differences of such children.

And so the hearts of the fathers turn to their children and the children turn to their fathers…

And let me turn to these young ones…I am called to be a forerunner and I must support and uphold and love them just as the Father is to me…

May I never forsake this call as I never forsake the humility of this girl.

Thus is the beginning of the forerunner’s race, paving the way for the pure Bridal generation and the way of His return.

Breaking My Palace Walls

It’s natural to be afraid of many things. Until now in my 26 years of existence, I’m still battling with a number of fears that try to coincide with my self-confidence.

It’s hard to fight fears. For most of the time, I love laying on my perfumed couch in my little ivory palace of complacency. Outside my palace walls is a whole new world of wonder that I’ve never seen. But there are no doors or windows. The only way to break out is to break the walls. But I’d hesitate because I have to ruin that expensive, beautiful facade.

Many think I’m not afraid of anything because I smile a lot. But deep inside, I cry when you tell me about being bold enough yielding my rights.

I need to yield my right to be offended.

I need to yield my right for worldly applause.

I need to yield my right to please everybody.

I need to give up being so selfish for complacency.

I wanted to cry at times because I can’t give up those rights. I want to, but I’m scared. I’m so afraid of hearing criticisms or taunts. I’m not made for man, but I’m afraid of man.

Lord, bring me out of this.

I hate this cycle. For once again, the Lord is revealing some bumps in me in this new season. I’m not a perfect lady, anyway. But I hate it when I see myself not really that perfect. In order to be refined, I have to give up what I’ve been embracing for so long.

While I break those ivory walls, my heart goes down with brokenness. But I have to. It’s now or never. If I don’t do this, I’ll suffocate. Break me out of my fears or I’ll die!

Hence, I’m yet to see the whole new world outside…

Fresh Start

Good morning, Papa God…

Oh how I love that sweet scent of heaven’s breath You’re bringing in. No matter how crowded the bus I was in, I felt the fresh wind of Your breath pouring into me. You know what? My heart is bursting with joy. I don’t understand why, but I felt like I wanted to scream inside that bus and breathe more of that fresh breath of Yours straight from Your garden. If only everybody there can feel what I feel. They won’t have to complain for having a bad start. 😉

What a lovely morning! You are indeed beautiful, Papa. Can I have just one more hug? Yep, just one more hug and don’t let me go, ok? 🙂



Spoiling the Left Overs

I love food. I’m the type of person who would have a hard time to resist good food, especially when you’re talking the cheesy and creamy ones. But on the moment I was diagnosed with chronic eczema, I have to stay away from them.
Although I’m getting better, until now, I have to stay away from them. The more painful thing is, the Lord is teaching me something during these days.
Fasting is the one thing I’ve been convicted of. But everytime I try, I break it. I can’t stay away from cheesy, chicken pastas or creamy choco desserts. I want to fast but I always break it. Now, I have to go the hard way. I was given a reason to stay away from my weaknesses.
It’s really true that when you give in to the seemingly good things of this world, consequences will follow. As a Filipino expression goes, “Lahat ng bawal, masarap” (Everything forbidden is tasty…hope I get my translation right :P). But eating too much of these tasty foods can bring negative results…aside from gaining weight.
But haing a skin disease is painful (for both body and pocket). But it’s not only fasting that the Lord is teaching me, He’s also teaching me how to live a positive mindset, and a how to discipline myself from anything tempting and sumptuous.
It’s not because He’s torturing me. It’s because He cares for me.
Many things in this world is so deceiving that even the nicest meal can be poison into our natural digestive system. They can bring satisfaction, but may fail to give us health. It’s a hard lesson, but I have to learn from it.
And so, I’m still in the learning process. But in the end, I have to get used to the result of this lesson. :))

Growing in an Extreme Generation

Nope…this is not an actual gang war. This was during a Pilipinas Natin meet last Saturday, where young people and some Gawad Kalinga volunteers were gathered in UST grounds. Since the theme was mostly youth oriented, much of the performances were of hype.

Kids…I wonder how they had the energy to bang their heads in that awful weather. My shoes (and my mood) turned almost at its worst when I crossed the muddy grounds, but had to do it for the sake of following an event. But these kids, they danced the weather away. They did not mind the mud that stuck between their toes, no one dared to cover their heads or their shoulders from the cold raindrops, or not one had thought of quitting the show. Their energy was way up to the clouds.

That’s how hyper young people can be these days. My mom would wonder how come they would be that energetic. Some theorized it is because of the atomized baby milk or strangely formulated vitamins that our parents bought to make us the next little einsteins that they can show off on stage. Others thought that it’s the evolution of DNA…perhaps the answer to the long-questioned “missing link”. Maybe these kids are the missing link – except that they don’t look like missing monkeys.

All right, I’m not really serious on that part.

This generation is made this way.. But let me tell you that this generation is different…and it’s not because of vitamins or any silly theory.The DNA of this generation is exclusively intense compared to your dad’s or my mom’s forty year ago. We are an intensely exited generation, we go to extremes, just like the volume of our iPods. We want to explore the strange and we are quick in analyzing. Before, our dads, when they were young, rely on manuals. But boys today, don’t need them. I, for instance, set the manual aside and learn by trial and error – without ruining the gadget. We automatically guess things right.

This is not to brag, but this is a sign that we’re in the season of acceleration.

The Lord is bringing out a generation that is bold and extreme. Such generation is the one that He will use to excitedly shout His Name to the ends of the earth, the one that will shamelessly stand on His Word, and the one that will boldly stand in the midst of persecution. Such boldness and energy will be used to spread His salvation, for such is willing to go through the unknown and reach the unreached.

But the enemy is ready to crush them down.

The same energy I saw during the Pilipinas event is almost the same as those in the JRev nights I go to. The youth, when they exert their energy on something, they will give their all. The enemy can use their energy to stray them into wordly things, and young people tend to waste their lives into such that may destroy them in the end. No, I’m not saying the secular bands are evil, but people, when fully focused on to things other than the Lord, can make us forget the love of our Maker. Man, such is the seeming sweet things of this world. But sweeter is the glory of the Lord.

What if, these kids, that I saw dancing in the rain, are filled with the fire of the Lord? I can bet they will rock the earth more than they did last Saturday. Power from the glory of the Lord is raw and way beyond you can handle. But, when filled into vessels of energy, it is manifested with intensity. Thus, the world will shake and tremble, especially when these vessels cry altogether the Name of the Lord all over the earth.

That time will come. But I wonder how old I would be then? I pray, I would be able to see that, and not mind my earthly age that might already be waning away.


The Real Fight Within

“The world that follow boxing, that follows sports, will see a classic, classic match,” Bob Arum said describing the upcoming Pacquiao-Marquez fight in November, “This event will be a credit to boxing and will be eagerly followed by all sports fans.”

I must admit, I’m not much of a sports fan, but I guess I appreciated Congressman Manny Pacquiao – how he started low, rising to unprecedented heights in his sports career and then into politics. I may have some qualms about him and yet, I find him an epitome of being a Filipino icon.

But this is not the point of my article.

That was just an intro. And as a Pinay myself, I should really, and not forcibly, love my own kababayan. His fights are considered inspirational. His bouts are expected to be entertaining. And his fame – extraordinary. Thanks to the media attention given to him – uh, the exposure we media people always give him.

We mediamen can make or break someone. Pacquiao, from a nobody becomes a somebody and yet, he would keep an air of humility – although he still got lapses at times. I’m just amazed how media can be a part of a person’s evolution. When something or somebody catches our attention, our tendency is to follow it until the end. I just hope Pacquiao won’t drastically change – especially that he has now turned into a congressman.

But it would be even more appreciative if he always keep a heart check whether he’s in the pedestal of fame or he is forced to step down. Should the time come that he has to pass the crown to another, I hope he will not crave too much attention much as he had before. For me, fame is so temporary, and thanks to us media people, we tend to look for “new” stuff. But if I can prove to myself if Pacquiao would be humble (and faithful) despite of the loss of his glitter and fame, I guess that’s more appreciative than winning a major boxing bout.

The real fight is when our hearts stay true and righteous, despite how the world gives us attention.

Tag Cloud