Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

IMG_20140803_084516_editI’ve been quite bothered lately about money. With the meager salary I receive and the enormous bills to pay and needs to buy, I tried to balance myself to survive…until the next payday.

Somehow, I regret the time I wasted my money on useless things like excessive eating when I was in my former work in a BPO company. I saved, but a little. I used this up when I was jobless for a year. I could have invested it instead in a reputable insurance company. Gone are that first ten years of saving. Now, I am getting to the next decade my career as a faithful worker.

So, now my salary’s not as prestigious as my former job. I’m not complaining. But, this is my time and age that I am learning to budget and save well. Even I am still on loan, I can monitor my savings. I am considering other ways to invest, as well.

But right now, I am at my lowest point. This affected my enjoyment to be a part of an extra job that I am doing. I love my job and also the extra writing assignments I do on extra time. But, I felt greedy to do more so I can be paid more. Having this kind of mindset disrupts the very purpose and the quality of the job I do.

Here’s one truth that pacifies me. In Philippians 4:19, Paul prayed, “And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” The moment I received my salary, I just sighed, breathing this prayer to myself. Somehow, I can discern that in my meager finances, I am taught to be fully dependent to the God who has everything.

What we see affects our thinking. When we open our eyes and see that God is at work providing our needs, we’ll be surprised we have plenty, even if they are not financial gains. This is not the first time that I received more than the less I gained. Times before, I have received worst, which in the last week before the next payday, I was short of budget. Surprisingly, I survived without borrowing from anybody (not even from my mom).

And so, this truth encourages me. My God will really provide all our needs, because He knows them, and has the compassion and grace to sustain us when we fully trust Him. With this, I cling on to Him, as He teaches me to be a good steward of wealth. In this way, I gain more wisdom in choosing where should I spend my expenses, and in budgeting the rest for the coming days. Good stewardship is the lesson here and it’s a hard one to learn.

I guess the wisdom I am gaining at such a time as this is greater than the wealth I can ever accumulate (even if I get a million bucks). I believe when I learn to be a good steward of the little things, I can take care of bigger things that will be entrusted to me at the right time.

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