Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Living the Moment

To live by the moment is sweeter than living in a future created by the mind. And yet, it is only now that I’m learning how to live at this moment and enjoy life in its present tense.

By doing so, I am being a steward of this lent thing called time.

I have to learn it that hard way though, and it has to take so much altering of the mind.

Months before I’ve been moaning due to the “smallness” of the things around me. I envied the people I know who work in large entities. I lamented the lackness of our depth of our department. And there were so much imperfections in my entity that caused me to ponder on my resignation.

And yet the thought of having nowhere to go prevented me from doing so. It was a desperate and despairing season.

In order to release frustrations, I would meet friends outside the office. I prayed for an opportunity and an exit. But I was seeking the wrong answer.

I’ve asked the Lord when I will go and He was silent.

Instead, He gave me questions:

Why will you go?

He showed me my heart and I was ashamed: I wanted to be popular.

For what are you made for?

My heart broke: For YOU.

I was not made for fame.

With this, the Lord reminded me to be a good steward of what I have.

I realized I’ve been impatient and selfish. I’ve been expecting too much. I have forgotten how I had been jobless who despaired on having nothing and being given a job of my dreams. I was not thankful. I tried to create a destiny of my own. I almost made a path not in line with the Lord’s perfect will.

This, I’ll remember: I’ll do my best in this job, I’ll excel in where I am. By doing so, it prepares me to where I will go…to the destiny that the Lord has prepared for me. He has a purpose why He placed me here. There is no such thing as “smallness”, for it is only created by the world’s standards.

I still don’t know where I should go. But to be there, it takes one step at a time, refinement through experiences and crisis…if I don’t go through the process I will never be prepared if I’m there.

Thus, I have to enjoy and to live in this moment. I should not cling to a future that has not yet happened or it will never happen if I don’t live today.

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