Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Breaking My Palace Walls

It’s natural to be afraid of many things. Until now in my 26 years of existence, I’m still battling with a number of fears that try to coincide with my self-confidence.

It’s hard to fight fears. For most of the time, I love laying on my perfumed couch in my little ivory palace of complacency. Outside my palace walls is a whole new world of wonder that I’ve never seen. But there are no doors or windows. The only way to break out is to break the walls. But I’d hesitate because I have to ruin that expensive, beautiful facade.

Many think I’m not afraid of anything because I smile a lot. But deep inside, I cry when you tell me about being bold enough yielding my rights.

I need to yield my right to be offended.

I need to yield my right for worldly applause.

I need to yield my right to please everybody.

I need to give up being so selfish for complacency.

I wanted to cry at times because I can’t give up those rights. I want to, but I’m scared. I’m so afraid of hearing criticisms or taunts. I’m not made for man, but I’m afraid of man.

Lord, bring me out of this.

I hate this cycle. For once again, the Lord is revealing some bumps in me in this new season. I’m not a perfect lady, anyway. But I hate it when I see myself not really that perfect. In order to be refined, I have to give up what I’ve been embracing for so long.

While I break those ivory walls, my heart goes down with brokenness. But I have to. It’s now or never. If I don’t do this, I’ll suffocate. Break me out of my fears or I’ll die!

Hence, I’m yet to see the whole new world outside…

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