I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I feel I’m losing my self-confidence. There are many times I don’t feel deserving as a reporter. I’m not as quick in wit nor as aggressive as the other reporters in Malacañang. And there are times when I ask a question, it’s not as hard-hitting as those from the others. The worse is that
What can I do? I don’t want to apathetic or numb. To much knowledge and information can be like stuffed bread that just stays in the mouth. It’s sickening. And I’m tired. I just want to be that same old happy-go-lucky girl that strums a song away. I really can’t believe myself as a reporter in the harsh world of politics. Yet, I want to be a Nazirite in such a place. Can’t I be a Nazirite in a mission field? Can’t I choose my place?
I guess this happy-go-lucky girl is just a false ego. The Lord must have been breaking something in me. The girl is now dying as circumstances are breaking her bones and her indifference. She hates it. But when she lives, the real self stays dead. I still have not known my real self. But I believe that the Lord wants to change something in me to bring out the real me. Only one must remain.
It’s just up to me to see who I wish to retain. May I be willing to kill the cocoon so the butterfly can come out.