Willing to be Illuminated and Pierced

Searching for the Wilderness

I need to find my wilderness…I need to empty myself once again…

I enjoy where I am at the moment. Oh yes, the excitement of gathering news and writing stories and the chance of meeting and talking with popular people always had me look forward to something everyday. But then, as I checked my heart, I can feel I’m missing something.

My Father’s heart…

I can’t feel His hearbeat. I can’t hear what He wanted to say. Oh, I can’t feel His presence. I feel like a stranger. But no matter how I yearn to come close to Him, indeed the flesh is weak…I wander away sleeping…

And yet I want to be a forerunner…

My mother kept on telling me by quoting Haavard Sands in his book The Bridal Generation, “You have to find your own wilderness. You can only hear what God wants you to be in such a place. You want to be a forerunner? How can you be one if you don’t find your wilderness?”

I knew of these things. I’ve got them stuck in my head knowledge. But, that is not enough.

I need fresh revelations from the Lord.

But I need to get away.

I was planning to go find my wilderness after the Empowered 21 Congress at Indonesia. I am planning to stay for three days in a prayer mountain…no friends, no cellphone, no news, and no mom to wash my clothes and cook for me…just my Bible, Habakkuk (my beloved guitar), me, and my Daddy God.

But I have to gather the courage and the passion to do that.

Oh, I need You, Daddy, so much

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